A preschooler’s wet bed is more common than you think.  

Are you dreading your preschooler’s first sleepover invite, because he still wears a nappy?  Take heart. Bedwetting is so common that there are probably other kids in your child’s class who bedwet and whose parents keep it a secret too.  Here are expert answers to the questions you may be too embarrassed to ask.

Is it normal that my 5-year-old still wets the bed?

Bedwetting is a condition that shouldn’t set off alarm bells, but many parents are naturally concerned if their child still wets the bed past the age of 3. Most cases of bedwetting are attributed to physical causes—the child’s bladder control mechanism simply just isn’t mature enough.  According to Dr, Spock, only 2 to 3% of children still wet their beds at 12 years of age. Spock says that, as long as your child is growing well physically and psychologically without any other symptoms, gaining night-time bladder control will gradually happen in time.

Why does bedwetting actually happen?

Genetics can play a part in bedwetting. In Toddler Taming, Dr Christopher Green says that: “Delay in bladder training at night seems to have an extremely strong genetic relationship. Some studies show almost 70% of bed-wetters have a parent or a sibling with a similar problem.” It also seems to affect boys more than girls. Other reasons are that your child’s brain isn’t getting consistent messages to ‘get up and go to the bathroom’ once their bladder is full.  Another reason could be deep sleeping pattern—your child sleeps so soundly that his brain doesn’t respond to the bladder’s messages.

When does a child achieve bladder control?

Children achieve bladder control at different ages. By the age of 6 years, most children no longer wet the bed. However, bedwetting up to the age of 6 is not unusual, even though it may be frustrating, not to mention expensive, for parents.

What effect does bedwetting have on the child?

When kids hit the 7 to 8 year old mark, those who continue to wet their beds feel embarrassed and guilty about their condition.  These children may withdraw from social activities and suffer from a low self-image.  It doesn’t help if they are often criticized by frustrated parents. Dr. Spock says, “Since avoiding or lessening shame and self-doubt is important … both mother and father should look for opportunities to build lasting self-esteem in the child…[and] maintain an interest in their child’s attempts to remain dry, expressing pleasure when success occurs and encouragement when he fails.” 

Help your child with these strategies:

• Ditch the diapers.  The nappies on the market work a little too well and don’t allow your child to feel the discomfort of being wet.  Let your child wear regular undies.
• Establish a pattern.  Make sure your child has a consistent bedtime and that you limit his liquid intake at least 2 hours before bed.  
• Make sure he relieves himself before going to bed, even if he doesn’t feel the need to.
• Bedwetting or moisture alarms are now available.   The alarm wakes the child up once it senses wetness, so he can rush to the bathroom and relieve himself.  This conditions the brain to respond during sleep to messages from the bladder.
• Try night-conditioning—consistently get your child up at night to use the bathroom.  Be patient, and try to find a good hour when he responds best to being awakened.
• Dr T Brazelton, author of Toilet Training the Brazelton Way and Clinical Professor of Paediatrics Emeritus at Harvard Medical School, suggests trying to adopt a team approach with your child’s school and coordinate efforts and strategies. 
  

Santa Clara County officials vote to ban toys and other promotions that come with high-calorie children’s meals.

After a contentious meeting between parents and restaurant owners, the Santa Clara County Board of Supervisors voted in favor of banning the Happy Meal in Silicon Valley restaurants.

The five-member board in Silicon Valley voted 3 to 2 in favor of prohibiting fast food restaurants from offering prizes and toys if they contained more than 485 calories, 600 mg of sodium or high amounts of sugar and fat.  The decision is meant to pressure small fast food restaurants to big chains like McDonald’s to offer more nutritious menu items for kids. Happy Meals are one of the longest-running and most successful marketing campaigns for McDonald’s.

“This ordinance prevents restaurants from preying on children’s’ love of toys” to sell high-calorie, unhealthful food, said Supervisor Ken Yeager, who sponsored the measure. “This ordinance breaks the link between unhealthy food and prizes.”  It is said that that one quarter of kids in the area are overweight.

In favor of the item were public health administrators, parents and doctors; opposed were fast-food franchisees, other parents, and fans of fast-food toys who argued that the promotions are often used to provide Christmas presents for less fortunate children.

Once the ordinance gets final approval at a meeting in May, the fast-food industry will have 90 days to come up with a voluntary program for improving the nutritional value of children’s meals.

It would be interesting to learn whether such a ban indeed affects sales or pushes fast-food chains to offer grilled chicken sandwiches (instead of a burger or chicken nuggets) Unless the toy ban catches, the vote affects only about a dozen fast food chains under the Board of Supervisors’ jurisdiction.

Get your child ready for that first movie theater experience.

Is your little one ready for the big screen? You may remember your first time in a dark, cavernous theater as a thrilling experience, but for a preschooler, it might be overwhelming, even traumatic.  Much of this first foray into the movie theatre will also depend on your child’s temperament, interests and quirks.

Some 3-year-old children can focus on a movie for an hour or so.  Others may be bothered or fearful of odd-looking cartoon characters. Some may be fascinated by all the strangeness.

If your child can watch a full-length children’s film at home, that’s a good indication that he’s probably ready for the cinema. Before you get tickets, here are a few practicalities:

• Tell your little one what to expect before getting to the theatre – it will be dark, and there will be lots of other people watching with us. With preschoolers, it always helps to set the stage for a new environment.
• Practice at home.  Pop in a favorite film, and turn all the lights off.
• Pick a film with familiar characters.  A film a child can relate to or in which he actually knows the characters helps make the whole movie experience less intimidating.
• A matinee screening is a good choice as it fits in with your child’s post-nap, happy-and-alert time of the day.  Matinee audiences are likely to have kids in tow like you and will be more forgiving if you often have to whisper to your inquisitive child.
• Have their favorite snacks on hand. Popcorn and drinks from the food stand are good choices, but take along his sippy cup and a favorite snack from home just in case.
• Go to the bathroom before the show.  This will help avoid frequent pee breaks, which have the uncanny ability of occurring during the best parts.

Most important, expect the unexpected and take your sense of humor along. You are taking your preschooler for the first time into a movie theatre. To a 3-year-old who has never been there before, the whole experience may be about what it feels like looking at an oversized screen in a dark place filled with strangers. And that could be more interesting than the movie itself!

Children’s food allergies are unpredictable, and misinterpreting them could be deadly. Learn to separate fact from fiction.

MYTH:  Children are allergic to any kind of food that causes a negative reaction.

FACT: Many negative food reactions are unrelated to food allergies and are simply food sensitivities.  True food allergies are not as common as people think and only affect 2% of children. Lactose intolerance, for instance, is different from a milk allergy. Doctors say a milk allergy would have life threatening consequences and those that are allergic to milk would have to skip milk protein all together.  A real food allergy is a reaction of the body’s immune system to a certain component, usually a protein, in a food or ingredient.

Symptoms of food allergies can include watery eyes, wheezing and difficulty breathing, coughing, skin rashes, sneezing, vomiting, diarrhea and swelling around the mouth and throat.  The more severe reaction is anaphylaxis, which involves enlarging of the larynx and a choking sensation that can lead to death. 

The top 4 food allergens for children are peanuts (which are not true nuts but actually legumes from the bean and pea family), tree nuts (walnuts, peacans, cashews etc.), cow’s milk, and eggs (especially egg whites). Peanut allergies may be the most likely to cause life-threatening allergic reactions (anaphylaxis), but a cow’s milk allergy is the most common food allergy in young children. 

MYTH: Children with allergies have them at the onset of birth.

FACT:  While most food allergies begin at the onset of birth or early childhood, they can develop anytime in a person’s life. Interestingly, experts suspect that our society has become “cleaner” and healthier, which may be causing the immune systems in some children to fail in differentiating real threats from harmless invaders, such as food. Some also believe that because immune systems are no longer fighting real threats, they overreact and shift to turn on the body’s own tissues.  

It’s good to note, however,  that many children actually outgrow their food allergies. Some children can outgrow their food allergies if they eliminate them from their diet for two to three years. Approximately 85% of children outgrow their allergy to milk, but fewer will outgrow their allergies to peanuts, tree nuts and shellfish.

MYTH:  Giving your child small amounts of food that he is allergic to helps him build up a resistance to the allergy.

FACT: On the contrary, if your child develops adverse reactions to certain foods, you must try to eliminate them from your child’s diet as soon as possible.  Many children outgrow their food allergies if they completely avoid them for two to three years. If your child has multiple food allergies, eliminate all food he is allergic to, and rotate all other foods every four to five days.  

MYTH:  You can prevent a food allergy.

FACT:  In pediatric allergy circles, this is a subject of much debate. Although women are often advised to avoid certain foods, such as peanuts, when they’re pregnant or breastfeeding, no one can say for sure that if this will lower a child’s risk of allergies. 

What is known is that children who have parents with food allergies are more predisposed to allergies.  There is also general agreement that strictly breastfeeding newborns and only introducing cow’s milk after your child’s first birthday has a protective effect. Breastfed children are less likely to develop eczema (a rash that’s often considered the first sign that a child is allergy-prone).

A hypoallergenic infant formula should be used if your baby needs a milk supplement.  If your child is more predisposed to food allergies, only introduce  solids after the sixth month of life – eggs after your child turns 2 and peanuts (only as smooth as peanut butter) and shellfish when your child is at least 3 years old. Introduce new foods slowly (i.e, every four to five days) so that you can easily identify which foods cause a reaction or allergy.

Do you live under the dictatorship of a little child? Learn how to respond when your preschooler thinks she is the boss of you.

Bossiness is inherent to preschoolers. It kicks in, because their vocabulary is growing and they are just now in the process of breaking into the social world with little or no understanding about consideration and respect for other people’s opinions.  And of course, let’s not forget that they’ve been bossed around all their lives by their parents.  Telling people what to do, therefore, has been incorporated into their world view.  Being bossy is normal, natural, part of the way the world works.

But try to picture your child barking orders every five minutes, and you’ll have a future where your little bossypants is either friendless or the class bully. Left uncorrected, in five years’ time, you could be stuck with a teen that’s gotten her way for so long that you are no longer in control of her behavior.

Laying down the law

Bossiness is usually just a phase.  It is often the reflection of a strong-willed personality, and if chanelled properly, can be an asset. This requires careful management.  Here are ways to break the cycle:

Don’t take orders.  When your child makes demands of you, don’t give in just for the sake of peace and quiet.  Remind her to ask nicely, and respond only when her manner is appropriate.

Mind your reaction. Young children love playing to an audience, so don’t encourage her by laughing when she is disrespectful. The life expectancy for other people finding her bossiness “cute” is short-lived.

Pay attention. Observe and spend more time with your child.  Many times, the bossy syndrome is a sign that your child wants more alone time with you.

Investigate.  Find out when your child becomes bossy.  Is it with adults or with children? Does she become bossy with familiar people or even with strangers?  Do people reinforce the behavior by laughing and giving in to her demands instantly?

Teach manners, if you haven’t already.  Remind her constantly to say “please” and “thank you”. Make sure she knows how to wait for her turn and is given many opportunities to learn how to share.

Point out when your child is being bossy so she can catch herself doing it, and offer an alternative.  If she can’t take the alternative, she needs an appropriate consequence.  (“If you can’t let your brother do what he wants with the legos, then you’re going to have to choose something else.”) 

Give your child choices. Over-controlling parents who insist on one way of dressing or are unrelenting in their choice of music will only encourage their child to model this domineering behavior with their peers.  Choices teach her not to be absolute in her opinions and that there is more than one way of doing things.

Limit competition. If your child’s bossiness is a real issue, expose her also to the joys of non-competitive games (try puzzles) and sports.

Specify the non-negotiables.  You need not get into absurd power struggles about what book she wants to read or the kind of juice she wants in her cup.  But when it comes to the car seat, a bike helmet, insect repellent, sunscreen, and other safety measures, let her know that she has no choice in the matter.

Stick to your guns. Even if you are exhausted, you must stand your ground. Your corrections will pay off in the end.  Don’t expect them to change overnight, or even in a year.  But do expect to see progress. 

Children who engage in creative and active play may grow up to be healthier adults.

The finding comes from a British study that asked 505 young adults to describe their health and their childhood play experiences.

Playing is one of the cornerstones of a young child’s world. Play builds imagination, promotes social skills, advances physical development, and allows a child to work through emotions.

Four types of play were found to be associated in different ways with adult health, said the researchers from The University of Ulster .

Higher levels of creative play in childhood predicted good adult health habits, such as eating a nutritionally balanced diet and getting regular exercise. More active play in childhood was associated with better overall health and more activeness in adulthood.

Adults who had restrictions on play — such as less time to play — were more likely to be overweight and have less healthy lifestyles.

“Having the freedom and opportunity to play is important for all aspects of child development and is a right that is often overlooked,” study author Tony Cassidy said in a news release from the British Psychological Society. “It is something that most children want to do, and do naturally, but its importance is not always recognized by adults, particularly policymakers.”

“For all sorts of reasons, our society has restricted child play,” he added. “To remove restrictions and reverse a potentially damaging trend requires a change in attitudes across adult society.”

The study was to be presented April 14 at the society’s annual conference.

Help your child find the starter-pet that’s perfect for your family

It’s the perfect age to own a pet. But finding the right pet for your child and entire family is not an easy choice. You have to consider how much free time you generally have, how much you’re willing to clean up, how much space you have in and outside your house, how often you’re gone, and how much you’re willing to spend on your pet’s care, feeding, and maintenance.  

Before diving in, do your research: speak to a vet, an animal breeder, and friends who own pets before deciding on a particular animal. If you are thinking about getting a dog or cat, the Petcare Information and Advisory Service will advise you on the breed best suited for your family and lifestyle.

Here are some popular beginner pets.

Goldfish

Sure, they swim around in their own waste and live immersed in germs—but it all happens behind glass. 

The humble goldfish is ideal for kids who are brand-new to pet ownership. A popular “starter pet,” the hardy goldfish can live in cold water with no heater or filter.  The only catch is that fish are one of those pets you spend a lot of time and energy on just trying to keep them alive.

Small mammals

These pets won’t break the bank and don’t require much more maintenance than your child can manage. They need no walking, minimal cleaning and can live quite happily on family food scraps.  Ideal for families who want a pet but aren’t ready for a cat or dog. They are especially good in homes where everyone is gone during the day.  Hamsters, guinea pigs, mice, rats, gerbils and rabbits are all good choices.

Dog

This is for the child who wants a more interactive pet and develops strong bonds. The canine-human relationship is particularly intense.  Remember though, dogs require the most care of any domestic animal. It would be unrealistic to expect even your well-intentioned child to always remember to fill the bowl or walk the dog.  Breeds most temperamentally suited for children are the Cavalier King Charles Spaniel, Cocker Spaniel, Golden Retriever, Great Dane, Labrador Retriever, Maltese/ ShihTzu cross,  Pug, and Whippet.

Cat

Cats are good companions and perfect for the child who doesn’t mind being snubbed occasionally. “When selecting a cat, look for one that purrs and lets you hold him,” says Nancy Frensley, an animal behaviorist and trainer for the Berkeley East Bay Humane Society, in Berkeley, California. Be wary of cats or kittens that bite or hiss. Consider Abyssinian, Birman, Burmese, Manx, Persian, Ragdoll and Somali.

Bird

They trash cages like a rock star in a hotel room, but  true animal enthusiasts will love these colorful and active pets.  Birds can be very social, but it takes time and patience to train them, so they’re not right for all kids. 

Be sure you select a bird by temperament rather than color, because personality varies widely by species. And prepare for a real commitment: Birds can live a long time. Canaries, finches, parakeets, cockatiels, pyrrhura conures, parrots and love birds are reasonably priced, reasonably sized, and just plain reasonable to live with.

*Because most, if not all, reptiles carry salmonella in their digestive tracks, they are generally not recommended for homes with children under age 5 or with family members with serious health conditions.

No one likes a tattletale.  Help your preschooler keep her constant need to tell on others from turning into a real problem,

Preschoolers often can’t resist tattling. They love to run to  parents or teachers, to tell them what wrong-doing their siblings, friends or classmates are engaged in.

It’s a normal part of childhood to want to be in the right and look better than your peers and siblings.  While there is justification to telling on others when someone’s safety is involved, tattling for every little thing can be a real problem —it’s annoying, can lead to peers alienating your child, and doesn’t help her problem solve.  

Dr. Lori Listug-Lunde, a licensed psychologist at A.I. du Pont Hospital for Children in Delaware explains, “Tattling is a typical behaviour for toddlers and preschoolers. They are learning social skills and often don’t know how to handle a problem on their own. They need help sorting out what is important to tell an adult versus what they should handle on their own.”

The good news is that your child can defferentiate right from wrong.  The problem lies in helping your child see why telling on her brother for crassly burping is unnecessary, while telling on her brother for playing with matches is.  

Nip it in the bud

Listen to your child. Although ignoring a reported misdemeanor is one way of discouraging tattling, take time to listen if she is tattling about a potentially dangerous situation or about something she can handle without having to get you involved?   Preschoolers still have trouble gauging the danger levels of different situations.  If your child properly warns you of a potentially dangerous situation, make sure to acknowledge her for looking out for her sibling or friend.

Don’t fall into the trap of scolding the child at fault or taking sides. When your tattletale nitpicks about something that is of no direct consequence to her, she probably wants: A. Your approval; and B. Your attention.  If sibling rivalry exists, then taking one child’s side over the other will only reinforce the tattling behavior.  For example, if Robbie brought mud tracks into the house, calmly tell him in front of your other child, “Robbie, please don’t do that again.” At the same time, tell your tattler that it isn’t nice to keep on telling on others.  Robbie gets the message and your little tattler’s quest for power is foiled.

Teach your children how to problem-solve.  These early bouts of tattling can be an opportunity to give your children the tools to solve minor problems among themselves.  Teach them that before they go to you, they should talk to each other first.  For instance, when your child reports that his playmate refuses to share, brainstorm for solutions together.  Tell your child he can politely suggest taking turns.  This empowers him to use his skills so he doesn’t have to run to you whenever a playmate or sibling doesn’t play nicely. 

Spend time with your kids.  Research has shown that many instances of tattling have to do with the need for attention. Spend positive quality time with your children, and compliment them every now and then for  good behavior.  If you have more than one child, let them know that they will all have their special time with you.

Turn the day around when your child insists there is nothing to do.

There are many reasons why children get bored. Boredom isn’t so much about “lacking something to do” as it is an inability to become engaged in any specific activity.

 Educational psychologists say children fail to engage in a particular activity when the child perceives the activity to be unchallenging, tedious, repetitive or meaningless.  

The next time your child complains that there’s nothing to do, give these boredom-busters a shot.

Novelty, the great motivator

List down as many out-of-the-ordinary activities as you can with your child. Make sure they’re neither too difficult nor too simple. For instance, encourage them to set up a campsite outside, weather permitting. If not, an indoor obstacle course should keep them busy. The internet has tons and tons of activity ideas—research together, and post a ready list on the refrigerator.

Get down and dirty

Allow your child to manipulate objects and interact with the environment. If you usually discourage this kind of hands-on interaction, you may actually be reinforcing lethargic behavior. Relax a little, and allow him to get dirty. Let him make homemade clay with flour, water and salt (and try to bite your tongue if the stuff ends up all over your kitchen floor.) Let him try his hand at gardening and growing flowers and herbs.  The long process of creating things will make time fly.

Give old things a new spin

Take something that your child is interested in, and use that as a springboard to do something productive. If your child loves his Transformer toys, hand him a disposable camera and suggest he make a create a story book about it.  Be in-tune with your kid’s deepest interests, and stock up on crayons, paints, glue, clay, wooden sticks, scrapbook materials, albums and all he needs to get creative.

Absence makes the heart grow fonder

If you notice that your child has lost interest in one of his toys, place it in storage for a few weeks, out of sight.  Bring it out again when your child complains of boredom. When children are re-united with a toy that they haven’t played with in a long time, it sometimes feels like a brand new toy again. 

Craving company

Is it boredom or loneliness? Sometimes, boredom isn’t so much the case with your child as it is a simple desire to spend meaningful, quality time with you. Take them along on errands—do the groceries or make bank deposits together.  Time in a car is a great opportunity for quality time together.

           The next time your child complains of boredom, wait a little. Don’t feel compelled to immediately rescue him. Let him experience the discomfort of doing nothing. A healthy dose of boredom may be just what your child needs to spark his creativity, imagination and desire to explore. 

Teasing can bruise young egos. Help your child tackle teasing without turning her into a tattletale or perpetual victim.

The preschool years is a time when kids grow more sensitive to individual differences. As children grow up and interact with others, inevitably, there will be conflict.  The schoolyard and the playground are melting pots for kids of all shapes, sizes and persuasions.  As your child opens her world up to more kids and more diverse types of kids, teasing will be part of life, and there is no way to prevent it.

There are many reasons why kids tease. Child-development experts believe that children who tease are working out anger, insecurity, or their fear over their ability to make lasting friendships.  Sometimes, it’s an effective way of stamping out competition, as teasing can result in the exclusion of a child from a group. 

Though you cannot referee school conflicts like you can sibling squabbles, there are ways to step in when your child feels the school ground has become a hostile environment.

Show empathy. Show your child that you understand that it is tough for a kid to simply ignore teasers.  Tell your child about your  own stories and experiences of being teased.  Tell her how you endured it.  This sends the message that teasing is universal and surmountable. Teach her how to react in ways that discourage teasing and make her a less tempting target, like laughing it off.  Tell your child that if a a teaser can’t get a rise out of her, it deprives the tormentor from feeling powerful and prevents other kids from having fun at her expense. 

Don’t demonize the teaser. Try not to cast teasers as the bad guys. Instead, help your child reflect about why teasers behave the way they do.  Is it the only way they know to get attention?  Is it because they’re insecure about themselves?  Children can even ask teasers why they act that way, which may cause some teasers to examine (and possibly change) their behavior.  This way, your child learns better that you can criticize an act without condemning a person.

Assess your child’s environment. Ask the teachers or other adults how they are teaching kids acceptable and unacceptable behavior, and encouraging compassion among the children. Some environments may condone teasing by turning a blind eye, thereby encouraging it. A teacher plays an important role in supporting your child in the school setting by promoting positive social skills and helping your child develop a broad range of friendships.

Build your child’s confidence. A child who is a model of self-confidence can shrug off teasing more positively and successfully.  This doesn’t come about by being told to be confident or being coddled, but from actual personal victories kids accumulate as they grow up.  Give them opportunities to develop themselves by finding their strengths and encouraging their passions.  Be it football, baton twirling, or Guitar Hero, a child who excels at something she likes will develop greater self-esteem, which will not only help against teasing, but will lead to other avenues of success.