Thanks for the advice, but let me consider it first.

If you’re a new mom, the deluge of unsolicited advice is bound to come. Your mother, mother-in-law, sister, cousin, even the lady at the park or the deli guy may throw some advice your way. I’ve been there and I know it can be annoying — not to mention confusing at times. So what do you do with all those “pearls” or shall we say “perils” of wisdom thrown your way?

Annoying as it may seem, all this advice is coming at you because babies tend to bring out people’s compassion. Oh, she needs my help is something that a new mother can stir in many people. Try not to take this too personally. I know, easier said than done. Been there. Been annoyed too. But other people may see you struggling with certain parenting issues, and they feel it is their duty as experienced parents to help you out. Most of the time, that’s really the case and not an attack on your qualities as a person.

When you’re taking care of a newborn, you’re tired, sleep-deprived, still a bit hormonal while still trying to get the hang of caring for a new baby, so the advice can easily come off as critical and irritating. Take a deep breath and work extra hard to keep your cool. These other ideas may help:

Keep an open mind. People with more experience child rearing may have advice you can really use. Listen and consider — it may just work for you. If you make a point of ignoring every piece of unsolicited advice you hear, you may miss out on the one brilliant tidbit that will help your kid give up the blankie or stop being afraid of the toilet. Before the advent of serial-googling for information, moms passed knowledge by word-of-mouth and that still has value in the age of the internet.

Do not take all advice at face value. On the other hand, just because someone said so doesn’t mean it’s undoubtedly true. Consider the source. Do you trust her instincts? Do you have similar parenting styles? How are her own children?

It is always a good idea to check with your doctor before following any advice concerning your child’s health. Some old-wives tales are harmless, but a prescribed folk remedy can be dangerous. If you look to the internet for advice, make sure the website is a reliable source. For behavior issues, experienced preschool teachers can offer a wealth of advice.

Disarm with charm. If you really don’t want to take someone’s advice, here are some lines you can throw at them:

• “Great, I’ll share that with my husband later tonight.”
• “Thanks for sharing but every baby and every family are different, so that might not work with mine.”
• “It’s true that babies haven’t changed much in the last 30 years, but what we know about them definitely has.”
• “That sounds very interesting. I’ll ask our pediatrician about it.”

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