I’m going to be a super big brother!

Mom and dad are usually caught up with preparations for the new baby. Parents may even be overwhelmed. But don’t forget, future big brother or big sister is going to face major changes too. There are a few things we can do to help them along this major transition.

News of my being pregnant with Baby No. 2 came as a surprise. Dad-to-be was ecstatic. But in my case, the unexpected development threw me off. Baby No. 1 wasn’t even 2-years-old yet… here we go again! Maybe hormones were already to blame, but tears were shed and some anxiety set in.

I realize that I was most anxious because of my first child. How would he handle sharing all our love and attention with a sibling? I turned to books and google for advice. I learned a few things and eventually embraced pregnancy no. 2 along with soon to be big brother.

First, realize that it is common for an older sibling to feel jealous of a new baby. They can act up in reaction to changes at home brought about by the coming of a new family member. To ease this transition, make your older child part of the preparations. Talk about coming changes and make them something to look forward to. Here are a few things that helped us:

Read toddler-appropriate books about becoming a big sibling. My son loved Best Ever Big Brother by Karen Katz (there’s a Big Sister version) and The New Baby by Fred Rogers. These books showed him what to expect and how to deal with the changes positively. The Mr. Rogers’ book was great, because it acknowledged that part of the experience may be difficult, but for the most part being a big brother can be fulfilling.

Talk to your child about the experience and make it relevant to his life. We showed him his old baby pictures and told him about how we prepared for his birth – just like we’re doing for his sister now. We told him that his little sister will also be born in the hospital like him and she would have to breast feed like he used to. I remember telling him that with him around there would be another person to help in taking care of the baby. This seemed to make him feel important… and relevant to our new family situation.

Visit friends with babies. Taking him over to a friend’s home who had just given birth to twins got him excited about having a new addition to our own brood. On a practical level, there’s nothing like showing a real, actual newborn. The twins would also visit us at home and we’d even let him “carry” them to practice for his little sister.

Get them involved. We made him help pack the baby’s clothes for the hospital. I took him to the toy store to pick out a welcome gift – a teddy bear he was to give her for their first meeting. Then I got him to choose his own new toy – a token of appreciation for being so helpful in preparing for the new baby.

Stick to routines. As much as possible, we worked to keep a sense of normalcy. It’s always a good idea to stick to your toddler’s daily routine as much as possible, but this sense of security becomes even more important during times of transition. Sticking to regular bedtime, story telling, playing and eating schedules can go a long way in making them feel that “there’s another baby coming, but this is still the home I know.”

All in the Family

Now, you will even see sibling prep classes along with birthing classes. This may help you as well. Again, it’s all about making your big sibling part of the family – and not left out by the baby.

When the younger one finally came, I took time off from baby care to have “dates” with my son. Just him and I in his favorite pancake house. Sometimes it would just be him and his Dad. Just to let him know he can still get our undivided attention.

At home, we would let him hold her and gently make her go up and down on her bouncy chair. He also loved getting down on the floor with her on her play mat.  Almost 4 years later, brother and sister enjoy each other’s company – at least most of the time. The siblings do love each other, though there are days when sibling rivalry rears itself…. Now that’s something for a future post!

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