Top new-mom challenges – and how to deal.

Now that my kids are in preschool, I can look back at those new-mom-days with amusement. We were able to plan and look forward to our first baby… I loved my firstborn to pieces the moment I was able to hold him in my arms… but damn… those first days and months were also tough.

Isn’t there a theory that women with kids below age 5 are always a little insane? Does that offend me? Well, new mom challenges can make you feel a bit off-kilter! So what are some of those challenges and what’s the best way to face them?

I can’t stand my husband.

You assume having a new baby will make you closer. Then shocker, you’re closer to each other’s throats. Adjusting to the new role of being parents is a major transition – and it can be quite stressful. New moms often feel their husband doesn’t understand how hard it is to be the baby’s primary caregiver 24/7. Men are stressed about the extra responsibility to provide for a growing family. This can make the mood around the house more tense than usual.

First, recognize that there is an adjustment phase you both have to go through. Be open and honest with each other. Discuss what’s bothering you, but be diplomatic and cool. If you feel he could be helping you out with the baby more – tell him. Men aren’t good mind readers. If you can, take time off to enjoy each other  - and talk – without the baby, even just for a nice dinner out. Grandma or a trusted sitter can handle the baby for a few hours.

I feel fat.

Gwyneth, Cate, Halle and all these celebrity moms are shot by papparrazi toting their months-old babies - skinny as ever. Nothing can make you feel worse. But they have round the clock nannies, trainers, diet chefs and whatever else help they get to get back into shape. Most of us don’t have this! Lisa Spiegel is co-director of Soho Parenting in New York City and co-author of A Mother’s Circle: An Intimate Dialogue on Becoming a Mother, with Jean Kunhardt. Spiegel reminds us that, “mothers who lose weight right away are the minority. Most women take at least a year to get back into shape.”

The extra weight is needed for us to breast feed successfully. Breast milk is made with fat is which is also why it helps new mothers shed extra pounds. Still, expect your body to change. And while you should get back to your exercise routine and aim to fit into your old jeans, realize that this will take time. Don’t rush it. Your priority is to be healthy, not skinny.

I’m not good enough.

The pressure is on. Your baby has to be happy and healthy all the time, the house has to be spotless and you should get back into shape ASAP. Aiming for perfection is going to make you crazy.

Try your best, but don’t expect everything to go exactly as planned. Kunhardt says, we should aim to be a “good-enough mother.” Accept that you will make mistakes along the way, and most likely your baby and household will survive it. My house used to be spotless before the kids came. Now that they’re here, I’ve learned to accept clean enough.

Experts say, don’t try too hard and micromanage your baby’s day. “Moms think they should constantly be talking or singing to their baby or jumping up every time he cries,” says Spiegel. “But babies need downtime. They really are happy staring at the ceiling fan.” No need to feel guilty about putting your baby into the bouncy seat for a few minutes so you can eat lunch, take a shower or put your feet up.

And you are going to hear criticism from family, friends and strangers about how you aren’t doing the mother job right. Listen to them, but follow your instincts. You want what’s good for your baby so trust yourself. Do your research and you decide what’s best for your child.

Times may be rocky, for now… but it’s all going to be okay.

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