They’re not my kids, should I tell them how to behave?

Disciplining another person’s child is treading on shaky ground. We don’t want to offend a child’s parents, but there are times when we need to step in. Dr. Michelle Borba, author of the book No More Misbehavin’: 38 Difficult Behaviors and How to Stop Them assures us, “it’s not intruding on another parent’s turf when you’re protecting your own child.” However, let’s lay some guidelines for responding to another parent’s misbehaving tyke.

Oh the play date gone bad…. Your 4-year-old daughter’s friend bosses her around during dress-up, grabs all the toys, doesn’t know how to take turns, then refuses to help pack away. Perhaps, the boys who came over pushed around your 5-year old son and played rough? You might be tempted to put the offending child in a time-out or send him home.

Your house, your consequences, right? Well, yes, but restrain yourself — maybe your little guest is just having a bad day. Make your house rules clear (”we take turns, and everyone must pack away after playing”). Try offering a reward (”When you’re done packing away, we’ll have cookies and lemonade”).

If she still won’t play nicely, you might try having the kids play separately for a while and see whether that helps. Steer clear of time-outs unless you’ve gotten the mom’s permission to give one. Even then, save it for more disruptive behavior, such as when a child is throwing toys or being defiant or too rough.

If necessary, ask if she’d like you to call her mother to see whether she has any suggestions – the mere threat might change her behavior. Be up-front about the problems at pickup: “We were having a little trouble with getting along and sharing today.”

Do note that In most cases, a young visitor will want to win your approval. I have hosted many play dates and usually the kids behave if we set some ground rules and offer a gentle reminder when needed.

When someone misbehaves, I talk to them at eye level and treat them with respect. Kids know when they’re being dealt with fairly, and they’ll usually cooperate in return. They also eventually realize, being disruptive can ruin everyone’s fun!

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