No one likes a tattletale.  Help your preschooler keep her constant need to tell on others from turning into a real problem,

Preschoolers often can’t resist tattling. They love to run to  parents or teachers, to tell them what wrong-doing their siblings, friends or classmates are engaged in.

It’s a normal part of childhood to want to be in the right and look better than your peers and siblings.  While there is justification to telling on others when someone’s safety is involved, tattling for every little thing can be a real problem —it’s annoying, can lead to peers alienating your child, and doesn’t help her problem solve.  

Dr. Lori Listug-Lunde, a licensed psychologist at A.I. du Pont Hospital for Children in Delaware explains, “Tattling is a typical behaviour for toddlers and preschoolers. They are learning social skills and often don’t know how to handle a problem on their own. They need help sorting out what is important to tell an adult versus what they should handle on their own.”

The good news is that your child can defferentiate right from wrong.  The problem lies in helping your child see why telling on her brother for crassly burping is unnecessary, while telling on her brother for playing with matches is.  

Nip it in the bud

Listen to your child. Although ignoring a reported misdemeanor is one way of discouraging tattling, take time to listen if she is tattling about a potentially dangerous situation or about something she can handle without having to get you involved?   Preschoolers still have trouble gauging the danger levels of different situations.  If your child properly warns you of a potentially dangerous situation, make sure to acknowledge her for looking out for her sibling or friend.

Don’t fall into the trap of scolding the child at fault or taking sides. When your tattletale nitpicks about something that is of no direct consequence to her, she probably wants: A. Your approval; and B. Your attention.  If sibling rivalry exists, then taking one child’s side over the other will only reinforce the tattling behavior.  For example, if Robbie brought mud tracks into the house, calmly tell him in front of your other child, “Robbie, please don’t do that again.” At the same time, tell your tattler that it isn’t nice to keep on telling on others.  Robbie gets the message and your little tattler’s quest for power is foiled.

Teach your children how to problem-solve.  These early bouts of tattling can be an opportunity to give your children the tools to solve minor problems among themselves.  Teach them that before they go to you, they should talk to each other first.  For instance, when your child reports that his playmate refuses to share, brainstorm for solutions together.  Tell your child he can politely suggest taking turns.  This empowers him to use his skills so he doesn’t have to run to you whenever a playmate or sibling doesn’t play nicely. 

Spend time with your kids.  Research has shown that many instances of tattling have to do with the need for attention. Spend positive quality time with your children, and compliment them every now and then for  good behavior.  If you have more than one child, let them know that they will all have their special time with you.

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