Encourage your toddler to play alone.

Toddlers will always want mommy or daddy to play with, and we should oblige. Playing with your child is great for fun, bonding and learning. But we should also encourage solo play.

For a few minutes every day, children should be able to play as they please, left to their own imagination. And this isn’t good just so you can fix dinner. Independent play builds well… independence, along with creativity and self-confidence.

I would often catch my daughter talking to herself and her dolls, when engaged in solo play. Sometimes she is mimicking lines from her favorite books. Many times she is creating her own scenarios. Experts tell us, this kind of symbolic play boosts a child’s language skills. Read more for advice on how to tap into the power of independent play.

Start your child young. Even as babies, give them a few minutes at a time to explore their play mat or baby gym, without direction from you. In a crib or play pen, babies can be left alone with a favorite toy or two. Throw in a book they like flipping through. For their safety, you will have to be nearby, but don’t hover.

As your child turns from baby to toddler, solo play periods should get longer. However, about 15 minutes at a time is about the longest you can expect a typical one-year-old to play alone.

Experts remind us that temperament and age determine a child’s inclination for independent play. It’s important to note that you cannot count on an older toddler playing alone for longer periods than a younger one. A 22-month-old child has more developed cognitive and language abilities, but her desire for independence is also increasing – so she is more likely to test limits and require supervision.

When you put your child down for some me-time-playtime, you should also make sure she is not hungry, tired or sick. An ideal time would be when they are in a good mood, maybe after lunch or a bath.

Solo Play Starters

Although you are leaving your child to her own imagination, you still need to set things up. First, give your child access to objects that interest her. At my office at home, my desk has two drawers filled with paper, child-safe scissors, old cards, ribbons and random knicks-knacks and toys my toddler is allowed to go through. She often likes to “just stay beside mama” while I work. While I get my writing done, she gets some solo play time, after deciding which things to play with from her very own “work drawer”.

Wherever you set up playtime, be it playroom or elsewhere, make sure you are within earshot and eye distance. Toddlers are far from being safety experts!

You will also need to put some structure, by providing only a few toys at a time. Being surrounded by heaps of favorite toys is overwhelming. Since you are nearby, you will also have to re-engage your child after she loses interest. For instance, when I see my daughter’s block structure, I’d prompt her to extend her activity by asking “Do you want to build a school beside it?” Or sometimes, “Oh you used 3 blocks to build the tower… Can you build one with 5 blocks?”  This usually encourages her to continue playing.

Claire Lerner, child-development specialist at Zero to Three, has some extra advice. “The key is to increase the time incrementally so your toddler gets used to the routine. Your initial attempts may yield only a few minutes before your toddler clamors for you. Don’t respond instantly. Give her a chance to work things out by herself.”

Because once in a while, your child needs to lose herself in a world of play. As they say, play is the work of children.

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