Will it fire-up his aggression… or imagination?

I once told myself that no child of mine would ever play with toy guns. Then came my son and his fantasies of playing a Star Wars storm trooper and a “good guy soldier” fighting the “Jerries” – who he now understands to be the “bad Nazis” in World War 2.

Up until he was age 4, not a single toy gun was in sight at home. But my son hangs out regularly with some boys at our neighborhood playground. His good friend had an arsenal of toy guns – enough to arm my son and a few other friends who all got into elaborate military game play. Let’s just say, they are a troop of precocious 4 and 5-year-olds with knowledge of military rankings and strategy, plus World War 2 factoids.

I didn’t want to suppress their imaginations, nor did I want to stop them from learning some history. Then again, was I setting up my son for future aggressive behavior?

England’s Department for Children, Schools and Families doesn’t think so. In their 2007 report Confident, Capable and Creative: Supporting Boys’ Achievements, these experts said schools should allow children to engage in fantasy play – including weapons play.

They explain, boys do have a natural inclination for superhero play and that this should be encouraged for the following reasons:

For Play and Exploration: Children’s play reflects their wide-ranging and varied interests and preoccupations. In their play children learn at their highest level. Play with peers is important for children’s development.

For Active Learning: Children learn best through physical and mental challenges. Active learning involves other people, objects, ideas and events that engage and involve children for sustained periods.

They add that all this active learning helps develop creativity and critical thinking. And so I feel better about allowing my son his hero-soldier fantasies. But keeping weapons play in perspective is another thing to work on. “It’s always best to settle conflicts by talking.”  ”Guns are only for defense.” “Swords are only for hitting other swords.” I have told my son these things, though the message may seem lost on him at age 5. One day, I know it will sink in.

In the meantime, he is an all-around good boy. He’s nice to his friends. He shares and negotiates with his words. So maybe what other studies say about the benefits of gun play hold true – that pretend weapons allow children to channel their aggression in a healthy way.

Despite what the experts say, many parents I know still have the no-toy-weapons policy. Some go to the point of taking out those tiny toy guns that come with certain Lego sets. No laser guns for Lego Star Wars storm troopers! To my son – who loves Lego and Star Wars – that would be a travesty.

I did attempt to ban gun play at one point, but I have seen how a toy trumpet can turn into a rifle and two fingers can be made into a pistol. Knowing what the experts tell us, I’m taking the allow-but-not-encourage approach.

Zoe Weil, president of the Institute for Humane Education says banning can also be counter productive. She explains, “forbidding toy weapons makes them more coveted and appealing.” Looking back at my own childhood, that makes sense.

Nerf battle, anyone? But first, some ground rules and perspective….

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