When fun requires a little planning.

The first time my daughter “hosted” her own playdate at home, I had made it a point to invite a few of her favorite friends in school – the three girls whose names would often crop up in our conversations. That time, she wasn’t very eager to make new friends at the playground. Being slow to warm, it took time for her to open up to new people. The loquacious 3-year old at home, would often turn quiet and shy in public.

I didn’t want to push her too turn social butterfly at the tender age of 3. But I think playdates were great for easing her way into becoming more comfortable around other kids. Her small posse of favorite girls in her toddler class and their regular playdates were a great help. Today she’d be comfortable in any playground, with any kids. I’m sharing some helpful tips and advice I’ve picked up in the playdate circuit.

Set The Date

Choose kids your child is comfortable with. Ask her who she would like to invite. If she has no ready answer, take your cue from who she gravitates to in school, at the playground or the neighborhood.

More than four is a crowd. I read somewhere that age is a good gauge for how many to invite. One other friend for one year olds, two for two year olds, etc. I’ve been witness to this myself – the smaller the kids, the smaller the crowd should be – for harmonious, happy playdates.

Invite the parents too. Toddlers are usually not ready to be separated too long from their parents or regular caregivers. This is especially true if they are in new surroundings.

Program the Playdate

Ask your child to help you figure out the activities. It is her playdate, so I asked my little one what she’d like to do. I gave her some suggestions and here are some of the activities that she chose that have been proven playdate hits:

• Mural Painting – Hang some paper on the walls and let your little Picassos have a go with paints, markers, or crayons. If willing, let them do buddy-paintings to let them get the hang of collaborative work.
• Play Dough – Kids just love play dough. Just put some on the table with a few molds and tools and voila… they’ll be busy working with their hands. Teach them to make caterpillars using fuzzy wire for legs or let them decide what they want to create.
• Fort Building – We have tents at home that can easily be set up in a room. This is also popular with the kids who add practically anything else they can get their hands on to extend the fort – from giant blocks to pillows. Sometimes I end up having to read them a story with all of us cramped inside a little tent!
• Costume Play – My daughter loves playing dress-up and so do her friends. Maybe it’s a girl thing? We would bring out the tutus, wands, fairy wings and what-not and let them dress up as their imagination dictates. You can even ask the other parents to make their kids bring some of their own costumes. They love getting all dolled-up and the costumes would make them invent their own dramatic scenarios.

Plan for break time activities. Provide time for quiet activities like a story, and of course snacks. Make sure you ask your guests’ parents of any food restrictions, so you can prepare.

More Helpful Hints

Don’t force kids to play together. At this age some kids are still into parallel play. While the playdate is supposed to foster interaction, you can only try and coax, but never force a child to join in. If she’s more comfortable drawing or playing on her own, let her be.

Allow kids to learn some conflict resolution. If you sense a bit of struggle between kids, do not jump right in. Let it be a teaching moment for them to resolve the conflict without your help. Little disagreements can be handled by little people! Step in only if it escalates into an exchange of strong words or physical confrontation. Stay calm and explain that hitting or hurtful words are not acceptable. Coach them into a compromise if needed.

Praise good behavior. To reinforce good behavior is to minimize bad behavior, so acknowledge when someone is being especially good. “That was very nice of you to share the toy with Nadia. That made her very happy.”

Give fair warning before goodbyes. Before ending all that fun, do give them the ten minute, then 5 minute warning. “In ten minutes we have to pack away before saying good bye.” Remind again in the 5 minute mark.

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