What makes them so sensitive, can also make them do so well.

As a baby, my son couldn’t stand the sound of the vacuum cleaner. A noisy blender would scare him to tears. When he was 2-years-old, I thought all kids loved carousels so I took him for a ride. He hated it. He wailed and begged to get off even if he was on my lap as we were riding a coach. Every strange noise, every new experience was met with trepidation.

My daughter was a bit different. Strange sounds were met more with curiosity than fear, but she was even more clingy than her also-clingy big brother. She was adventurous in the play ground, she made friends, but before getting that way she needed a long warm-up period.

A few years later and my little neurotics are now happy, well-adjusted preschoolers. Though I do notice they are essentially still cautious, still sensitive to everything and everyone around them. Still slow to warm. I had accepted these traits as part of their nature,  although it can make parties and play dates more difficult for me. Little did I know, that such sensitive children may actually have an advantage over their more easy going, gregarious peers. At least that’s what research tells us.

Scientists believe that children who are sensitive or highly reactive to stress may actually thrive better than those who just go with the flow. But — and this is a big but — these sensitive kids only tend to do better in the right environment. If they don’t survive a bad environment growing up, these kids could be your future depressives, drug addicts and social misfits. Flip side is, if they survive, they could reach Oprah-level success.

The journal Child Development published a new study on sensitive children early this year. Observing 338 preschoolers, researchers tested how easily stressed the children got, then measured behavior and school performance.

Among sensitive kids, “harsh and restrictive parenting,” exposure to a lot of anger and fighting, and family financial problems indicated a dip in social skills. The other sensitive kids in happy homes? They fared well. So well that they did much better than their easy-going counterparts. Highly-reactive kids who were well-nurtured had the highest rates of sharing, helping and initiating friendships. They also had the highest academic gains in school.

The calm kids who faced challenges with less stress were more resilient when there was trouble at home. For these children, school and social success was average across the board.

This latest study highlights new terminology being used among developmental psychologists — that some kids are dandelions, some are orchids. Dandelions are hardy and can grow well almost anywhere. Orchids can thrive beautifully, but with the right care.

How would you classify your own child? Let’s think hard about that, so whatever kind of “flower” they may be, we can give them the kind of nurturing they need. My little theroy… all kids are orchids and dandelions in varying ways. They all need good care. Still, with a feeling my kids are orchid varieties, I’d like to be extra sensitive to their needs.

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