Teasing can bruise young egos. Help your child tackle teasing without turning her into a tattletale or perpetual victim.

The preschool years is a time when kids grow more sensitive to individual differences. As children grow up and interact with others, inevitably, there will be conflict.  The schoolyard and the playground are melting pots for kids of all shapes, sizes and persuasions.  As your child opens her world up to more kids and more diverse types of kids, teasing will be part of life, and there is no way to prevent it.

There are many reasons why kids tease. Child-development experts believe that children who tease are working out anger, insecurity, or their fear over their ability to make lasting friendships.  Sometimes, it’s an effective way of stamping out competition, as teasing can result in the exclusion of a child from a group. 

Though you cannot referee school conflicts like you can sibling squabbles, there are ways to step in when your child feels the school ground has become a hostile environment.

Show empathy. Show your child that you understand that it is tough for a kid to simply ignore teasers.  Tell your child about your  own stories and experiences of being teased.  Tell her how you endured it.  This sends the message that teasing is universal and surmountable. Teach her how to react in ways that discourage teasing and make her a less tempting target, like laughing it off.  Tell your child that if a a teaser can’t get a rise out of her, it deprives the tormentor from feeling powerful and prevents other kids from having fun at her expense. 

Don’t demonize the teaser. Try not to cast teasers as the bad guys. Instead, help your child reflect about why teasers behave the way they do.  Is it the only way they know to get attention?  Is it because they’re insecure about themselves?  Children can even ask teasers why they act that way, which may cause some teasers to examine (and possibly change) their behavior.  This way, your child learns better that you can criticize an act without condemning a person.

Assess your child’s environment. Ask the teachers or other adults how they are teaching kids acceptable and unacceptable behavior, and encouraging compassion among the children. Some environments may condone teasing by turning a blind eye, thereby encouraging it. A teacher plays an important role in supporting your child in the school setting by promoting positive social skills and helping your child develop a broad range of friendships.

Build your child’s confidence. A child who is a model of self-confidence can shrug off teasing more positively and successfully.  This doesn’t come about by being told to be confident or being coddled, but from actual personal victories kids accumulate as they grow up.  Give them opportunities to develop themselves by finding their strengths and encouraging their passions.  Be it football, baton twirling, or Guitar Hero, a child who excels at something she likes will develop greater self-esteem, which will not only help against teasing, but will lead to other avenues of success.

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