Start polishing up on politeness… especially near the Holidays.

When can we start teaching kids some manners? As soon as they can talk would be a good time. Developmentally, they may not be ready to master the entire Emily Post rule book, but there are some basics we can start teaching as early as 2 or 3 years old. At this age children can already follow directions and can tell the difference between nice and not nice… so let Etiquette 101 lessons begin.

We have a simple, doable list of manners 2-5 year olds should be able to manage. These reminders will come in extra handy over the holidays – with all the get-togethers and meeting new people. Take advantage of all those teaching moments!

The key to teaching young children manners is to keep things clear and simple. Keep your expectations in check, manners take time to learn. Be diligent with the reminders. You can start with these basics.

Saying please and thank you

Two-year olds can be taught to use these niceties, but don’t be surprised if you find you have to do a lot of reminding. In time and with regular reminders, this will become automatic. “That!” your toddler might say pointing to dessert. “You’d like more? What’s the magic word?” If she forgets the script, simply re-state and let her repeat, “May I have more please?” When someone gives her a present, always remind her “What do you say?” Thank you….

Greeting people politely

First, explain to your child that she is supposed to say hello whenever you meet people. If she’s a shy, slow-to-warm toddler then a little wave is acceptable. When your child is about 4 or older, a hello should be standard. You can even teach them to shake hands or ask “How are you?”

Being careful with their words

“Ethan’s Daddy is so small!” my son once blurted out laughing. Thank goodness not-so-tall daddy was already far enough not to hear his remark. Tact is not a strong suit of toddlers and often they don’t mean to be mean, but we have to remind them that saying such things is not proper. “Yes, he’s not as tall as Daddy but you shouldn’t say that out loud – it will hurt his feelings.” Give your child a basic rule: it’s never nice to laugh at how people look or about things they have no control over.

Behaving at the table

Staring toddler age, a child can be expected to learn some basic table manners – like not talking while their mouth is full and no playing with food. You can already teach them how to use a napkin and wipe themselves when needed. Again, gentle reminders will be needed.

If he says “yuck!” to something on the table, calmly explain that word isn’t acceptable for describing food. “What you should say is ‘no spinach for me, thank you.’ ”

Now as for staying seated at the table, toddlers are not developmentally ready to sit as long as adults. This requires patient training. At least let your child sit until he finishes his food, though he may not be able to stay until everyone is done with dinner. Try to include him in the conversation as this may get him to hang around longer.

Being a polite playmate

If there are other kids around, make it clear that they must take turns with toys, no hitting, no shouting, no strong language. Good mantras are “gentle hands” and “gentle voice” or “gentle words.”  In holiday gatherings with lots of kids plus new toys, expect that you may have to do some (or a lot!) of refereeing. On the bright side, it’s a good way to teach your little ones how to share and interact with other kids.

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