Kids — what a source of much-needed laughter in our lives!

I have two preschoolers at home who are still trying to master the nuances of language, and in the process have said the most adorable things. If only I can remember every butchered phrase, mispronunciation, surprisingly sage words from the oh-so-young or words just so wrong they’re so hilarious. I have decided to keep a journal of these “isms” from my kids. For your entertainment, I’ve added other gems from my friends’ children. Enjoy and be inspired to compile your own funny quips from the young.

From Teacher J, Kindergarten teacher at my kids’ preschool…

Because most of the kids in our class are having baby siblings on the way, I asked one boy if he wanted a baby in his family too. He said “No, I’m not married.”

I wore a red scarf last December, thinking that the cold weather was a prime time to accessorize. When the kids came in, Nadia enthusiastically told me “Heeey teacher, you look like a snowman!”

When I asked the class “When a friend is sad, how can we make him happy?” One friend demonstrated gentle strokes on the shoulder to comfort a crying friend. My co-teacher Nikki asked what gentle strokes meant. 4-year old Hadrien confidently answered “Condolence!”

We were talking about how songs can affect our feelings and then we asked them for songs that make them happy when they’re feeling blue. There was a collective pause. Then, together they sang… HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU, HAPPY BIRTHDAY, HAPPY BIRTHDAY, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!

From My friend Rafael, Dad to 4 year-old Lucas…

Lucas and I were at Mass, and during consecration he asked about the host. I told him that the host was like bread, and that Jesus miraculously became the host so that he could be with us at Mass. After communion, though, he saw the host being placed and sealed into the tabernacle. With eyes wide and in alarm, Lucas whispered: “Daddy! What are they doing to Jesus? Are they baking Him?”

From Coey, Mama to 5-year-old Mateo…

My mom just passed away then and I had to process the situation with my children. One time my mother in law called me on my mobile and of course throughout the conversation, I’m calling her “Mom.” When I hung up, Mateo (who was listening all along) exclaims, ” You were talking to your mom? I thought she was dead?!?”

From Francine, Mama to 5-year-old Rafa…

When Rafa saw the fountain in hospital full of coins he said, “Quick mama, call the police, people have been littering!”

And from the two funny people at our home…

My son at age 4 says: “I’m going to Rico’s house!” His Dad: “Excuse me, you don’t just declare you’re going to Rico’s house, you ask mama or daddy permission first.” He takes a breath and says to his Dad: “May I please go to Rico’s house… Your Majesty?” Then he bows to him.

We had just moved into our new home, my daughter age 2 says of of the powder room: “Wow… this bathroom is so nice! Me: “Glad you like it! Actually, this is a washroom for our guests. This is where guests can wash their hands or use the toilet.” My Little Girl: “I like it. It’s sooo… GUESTY!”

How about you?

As Mark Twain says of the “malapropisms of childhood”… “Dear me, there’s no music that can touch it; and how one grieves when it wastes away and dissolves into correctness, knowing it will never visit his bereaved ear again.”

So what gems have your children said? Like the wise Mr. Twain says, the days of darling malapropisms are fleeting. Write them down so you don’t forget. One day you and your kids can look back at them and have a good laugh!

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