How to deal with bossy, bratty and moody.

After those lovely baby days of coos and giggles, suddenly your two-year old starts throwing you back talk. Once I had asked my 3-year-old daughter to pack away her toys and she shot back, hands-on-hips: “No! I’m tired!” My 5-year-old son came home exhausted from school and when I had asked: “How was your day?” He mumbles: “Fine”, so I try to extend the conversation about his day and he impatiently snaps: “I said fine!”

Experts say, don’t assume this rudeness is just a phase. It’s not to be ignored. But, yelling back isn’t the answer either. From toddler to preschooler, we have developmentally appropriate advice on how to nip attitude problems in the bud.

Toddlers

You ask your 2-year-old to do something and his response is shouting back at you: “You’re not the boss of me!” What do you do? First, stay calm and take a few breaths. Your first impulse might be to snap right back at him, but don’t. To teach respectful behavior, you have to set an example yourself.

Instead say something like: “Mommy asked you nicely, so answer me with your gentle voice. I think what you want to say is — Yes, mommy I’ll pack away.” Then nudge him by giving instructions on exactly what you want him to do. And make sure he does it.

Remember, your child is only 2 years old. He’s trying to experiment with what he can get away with. Maybe if I raise my voice I can get away with not packing up my toys? Show them that the rude talk won’t get them out of chore duty or it won’t make you change your mind. Be calm but authoritative.

It’s also possible that the back talk gets your attention and so that’s what he dishes out. When you ask a young child to do something, focus on them as they do what they are being told.

Preschoolers

Your 4-year-old comes home tired from school, plops himself on the couch and demands: “I want to watch TV!” When you say: “No TV until after lunch,” he stomps his feet and says “You’re so mean!”

Back talk among 4-year-olds are usually a sign of frustration. He hardly has control over his life. He’s a small kid in a big world. Even if they call you “mean” or blurt out “I hate you!”,  do not over react. That’s showing them they have the power to push your buttons. Explain calmly but firmly that name-calling is what is rude and mean. Tell them to use appropriate words, otherwise the more they won’t get what they want.

Realize that school does tire them out — all that work and behaving all day! So once home, preschoolers might act up. At this age, it’s a good idea to read books about polite versus rude. Tell stories about how sassy children can get into trouble. Take advantage of this age when they love story time and use that as a way to teach them respectful behavior.

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