I was spanked as a child, but I won’t do it to my own kids.

I have two children at home who are generally good kids. Although, kids being kids, they have their moments that require me to exercise some discipline. I have lost my temper a few times, I have raised my voice too, but I have never had the inclination to hit them. But I’m convinced that spanking is something I should never resort to.

To those who tell me, “you were spanked as a child, you turned out okay” I say, I wasn’t always okay and… it is exactly why I’m not doing it to my own kids.

From the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP), to psychologists, and many, many child development experts – spanking is not an effective discipline tool and it can lead to problems in the long run.

First, some statistics: Research indicates that the more educated parents are, the less likely they are to use the heavy hand. Spanking was more prevalent in the ’50s, especially in the midwest. Back then, hitting was more accepted as part of child rearing and discipline.

These days, with better knowledge about child development, there are less Americans who hit their children. Still, studies indicate that about 85 percent of parents of kids below 12 do spank when they hit their tipping points. Among these parents, only 8 percent believe it was the right thing to do, or effective in achieving discipline.

This doesn’t really surprise me. I imagine I would never feel good about myself after hitting my kids. Experts point out that those who hit their children often do so in anger or frustration – not really with the knowledge that the hitting will make kids behave better. Being a parent requires maturity and understanding – with maturity comes some anger management skills.

Here are more reasons why hurting a child is a bad idea:

It teaches your child that violence is okay. Hitting a child can teach that child to hit others himself. You want your chid to behave and be respectful, yet you spank him. Spanking itself is a prime example of disrespect and bad behavior.

It is just plain cruel to deliberately inflict pain. The “I am doing it for their own good” justification is false. Many studies have already proven that there are much more effective discipline methods. The spanking may “work” at the moment, but in the long run, resentment and deep-seated anger builds. This will not make a child behave better, it will just make them learn to hide things from you. There’s also… rebellion.

Spanking is emotionally harmful to your child. Being deliberately hurt is traumatic. It makes some children believe there is something wrong with them – not their behavior. It makes most children feel powerless. This could all create problems years down the road. Low self-esteem and lack of motivation are just two examples.

Spanking is emotionally harmful to you, the parent. Most parents feel bad after spanking their children. Going through the remorse again and again will erode your own confidence as a competent caregiver. You may also foster a bad habit of hitting, that might get harder and harder to control.

If you have, in rare instances, “lost it” and spanked your child,  there’s no reason to worry. There’s a great teaching moment right there. Apologize and rise above the mistake. Show your child you make mistakes too, but you learn from them. Of course, don’t keep repeating the mistake. That’s not rising above it.

Young kids in particular tend to act out and throw tantrums or have the propensity to do things they aren’t supposed to. My kids have their “moments”, yet most of the time they’re a joy to be with, and they’ll take mom and dad’s lead.

Perhaps I’m just lucky that they respond to our ways of disciplining them because they’re inherently good? Perhaps they are great kids because I don’t spank them? It’s probably a bit of both, but I’d say a little more of the latter.

Leave a Reply