Kids say — and ask — the darndest things!

Even intelligent, enlightened parents can fumble when their preschooler suddenly asks “How did I get inside your tummy?” or “Are you going to die too Mommy?” With a 6-year-old and a 3-year-old at home, I have had a few brushes with such tough questions myself. My approach is to be honest and to give them the facts in a language they can understand. I’m not one to talk down to kids, but we do have to be developmentally appropriate in our responses.

I have many more years worth of tough questions to face. Despite the college degree, Google search and some life experience, I could still use some help! So I asked a child expert how she would answer some of the toughest questions kids can ask.

Evading and giving flippant responses are not an option. Besides, I actually welcome tough questions. I like that my children are trying to make sense of their world. Experts give us some basic principles to keep in mind when responding.

Don’t brush off the question. If a young inquiring mind needs to know, it’s our job to help them find the answers. To evade a question is to deny them a teaching moment. Yes, even if the question is about the birds and the bees — and they asked you at 5 years old! Curiosity is a good thing. Avoiding their questions discourages inquisitiveness, and that’s bad.

Don’t lie. Lying is a number one no-no. Children are smarter than we realize. If they catch us lying to them often enough, you are eroding trust which can lead to many problems in the future.

Do take time to answer. Admit to your child if you don’t have a ready response. Explain that you will have to do some research first and ask him to look over a book with you or fire up the web browser together to get answers. You’re no scientist so you may need to go the discovery.com to answer “Why can’t we see air?” or “What is water made of?”

Do prepare yourself. Questions about sex, their bodies, death and religious beliefs are bound to come up. Even if your child is just a baby or toddler, it’s worth it to take time to think about how you can best answer their whys and hows. You and your co-parent should agree on how to present the facts without contradicting each other. Consider your personal beliefs and how you can explain things in simple terms — without giving too much or too little explanation. Reading this article is a start!

I had asked mother and preschool teacher Bennie Veloso how she would answer two sample tough questions. There’s a lot to learn from her responses.

Mama, are you going to die?

Veloso says, questions are also an opportunity to find out what’s on your child’s mind and to see if there’s anything in there you need to help him sort out. Her initial reply would be — “Why are you asking?” She explains that, “Asking where the question comes from will guide me in what direction to take.” Perhaps the child experienced the death of a pet or a family member and he’s trying to come to terms with it? Suddenly, he fears losing his own parents. So mom or dad must not only answer the question, they have to put his fears in context.

Veloso advises, “A parent must resist giving too much information, a litany of death facts, especially for pre-schoolers. You don’t want to scare the wits out of a child, but you still have to be honest in your answer.”

Here’s her answer to the Are you going to die? query: “Yes but not very soon! I will have to wait for you to become a grown-up, drive your own car, have a job and maybe have kids too. So, that will still be a long, long time from now.”

How did I get inside your tummy?

Her son had asked her this question when he was age 4 and here’s how she answered: “Daddy and I helped each each other. Daddy has a seed inside his body and I have an egg inside mine.” She even drew a sperm and an egg for him to visualize. “This seed from your daddy joined up with the egg inside me. The seed has a name. It’s called a sperm and it swam to my egg using its strong tail… very fast. After joining together they grew into a baby.”

Usually, a child will just respond with an “Oh.” When it comes to all those hard questions that can be uncomfortable to answer, just remember to be honest and matter-of-fact, and keep it simple.

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