Creative ways to show them how to play give and take.

That’s mine! Give it to me! No, not for her! If you have a toddler you’ve probably heard those lines often enough. Toddlers are notoriously self-centered. Sharing is something they still need to learn. Developmental experts say, the concept of giving really becomes clear at around age 5. But there are some ways to show younger kids basic rules for give and take, paving the way for a good sharing attitude in the future.

Show Them How

Kids learn best from what they see day-to-day. So let your toddler see you in the act of sharing. If you’re eating a sandwich, offer him a bite. Having your favorite smoothie? Offer a sip. You and your husband should often model the art of give and take as well — whether it’s taking turns choosing what movie to watch or sharing space in the bathroom.

Special Things

Even as adults we have certain possessions we are extra careful with — special books or heirloom dishes we inherited from dear grandma that we don’t loan to friends. Well, allow your toddler to have a few special objects too. Perhaps his tattered lovey bear? Maybe the new princess doll she got for her birthday? Don’t force your child to share a few objects that obviously mean a lot. Do make sure that whatever it is, it should be set aside during a play date. All other toys in the playroom are to share, the special things stay in the closet until the other kids leave.

Bring Out The Timer

I have two kids at home who at one time were toddlers together! My best friend for settling power struggles on who gets to play with the hot toy of the moment? Our kitchen timer. It was great for teaching them the basic rule of taking turns — “you play with it for 10 minutes each, when the timer goes off it’s your sister’s turn.”

Give to Charity

Holidays or birthdays are the perfect time to talk to your children about sharing with others less fortunate. Get them involved in giving to a children’s shelter toy collection or a coat drive where your child can donate some of her own toys or clothes that are no longer in use. Or you can have her pick out a few new toys to buy that will be donated to charity.

Role-Play

If your toddler often says no when asked to share, try a little role reversal. Get down on the floor for some playtime then, when your little one asks for something — the yellow block or a turn banging on the toy drums — say no. When he gets upset, talk to him about how he feels and how he wouldn’t want to make his friends feel the same way. Next time you’re at a playdate and he hesitates to share… remind him of that incident.

Praise the Positive

We spend so much time telling our kids to behave, it’s easy to forget to acknowledge them when they do something right – sharing included. Positively reinforce their good behavior. You see your son share his loot of candy with his sister, tell him: “You made your sister happy by giving her some of your candy. I love seeing you sharing with each other.”

Finally, sharing is also honed by practice… so let your child play with other kids. Time at the playground or play date sessions are rife with learning moments to teach them the nuances of give-and-take.

Help your newborn settle down with swaddling.

The first few weeks outside the comfortable confines of the mother’s womb is unsettling for most newborns. Swaddling, or wrapping your baby snugly in a blanket (like a burrito) can help her transition this period. A good swaddling technique can also be crucial in letting you get a good night’s rest. When baby sleeps well, so do mommy and daddy. Many fussy babies have been calmed down by a good swaddle.

Swaddling keeps babies from being awakened by their own startle reflex. A newborn is not yet used to her own muscle movements so it often jolts her out of sleep.

Both my kids were soothed by swaddling. My daughter liked her arms inside the swaddle cocoon, my son liked his arms set free. Either way is fine, take your baby’s cues. I had used a swaddle blanket for them — the kind with velcro enclosures. There are many swaddle blankets to choose from these days so shop around and read reviews on which ones work best.

However, I did observe that a simple flannel blanket worked very well when my babies were swaddled in the hospital. The plain flannel blanket is still an option for you. You may want to take a swaddling lesson from the nurses who do it so well in the hospital. My friend’s husband became a swaddling pro by doing that. You Tube is also worth visiting to see if there’s a good instructional clip worth bookmarking.

Here we found a good, step-by-step guide to an effective swaddling method:

1. Lay the baby blanket flat on a bed or other safe, flat surface in a diamond shape. Fold the top corner down about 6 inches.
2. Place the baby on her back, so her head is above the fold.
3. Holding your baby’s right arm to her side, pull the left corner across her body and then tuck it under the right side of her back.
4. Pull the bottom corner up over her feet and tuck into the fabric stretched across her chest.
5. Holding your baby’s left arm to her side, bring the last corner across your baby’s body and tuck under the left side.

Now here are a few other tips to take note of:

1. Lightweight flannel baby blankets are great to use because the fibers stick together well.
2. Swaddling is only effective for a few weeks after birth. After two months, swaddling — which inhibits movement — can restrict motor development.
3. Do not swaddle a baby in a room that’s too warm. Adjust room temperature to consider the extra warmth that comes from the swaddle blanket. Overheating a baby is a risk factor for SIDS or Sudden Infant Death Syndrome.
4. Some babies do not like being swaddled at all. If the swaddling makes her even more fussier, then it’s not for her. Again, be sensitive to your baby’s cues.

They’re not my kids, should I tell them how to behave?

Disciplining another person’s child is treading on shaky ground. We don’t want to offend a child’s parents, but there are times when we need to step in. Dr. Michelle Borba, author of the book No More Misbehavin’: 38 Difficult Behaviors and How to Stop Them assures us, “it’s not intruding on another parent’s turf when you’re protecting your own child.” However, let’s lay some guidelines for responding to another parent’s misbehaving tyke.

Oh the play date gone bad…. Your 4-year-old daughter’s friend bosses her around during dress-up, grabs all the toys, doesn’t know how to take turns, then refuses to help pack away. Perhaps, the boys who came over pushed around your 5-year old son and played rough? You might be tempted to put the offending child in a time-out or send him home.

Your house, your consequences, right? Well, yes, but restrain yourself — maybe your little guest is just having a bad day. Make your house rules clear (”we take turns, and everyone must pack away after playing”). Try offering a reward (”When you’re done packing away, we’ll have cookies and lemonade”).

If she still won’t play nicely, you might try having the kids play separately for a while and see whether that helps. Steer clear of time-outs unless you’ve gotten the mom’s permission to give one. Even then, save it for more disruptive behavior, such as when a child is throwing toys or being defiant or too rough.

If necessary, ask if she’d like you to call her mother to see whether she has any suggestions – the mere threat might change her behavior. Be up-front about the problems at pickup: “We were having a little trouble with getting along and sharing today.”

Do note that In most cases, a young visitor will want to win your approval. I have hosted many play dates and usually the kids behave if we set some ground rules and offer a gentle reminder when needed.

When someone misbehaves, I talk to them at eye level and treat them with respect. Kids know when they’re being dealt with fairly, and they’ll usually cooperate in return. They also eventually realize, being disruptive can ruin everyone’s fun!

What should I expect when my baby starts teething?

The eruption of your baby’s first tooth is an major milestone. From the early appearance of the first tiny tooth to caring for the new set, learn what to expect from your baby’s new arrivals so you can prepare yourself. Learn how to deal with your teething baby’s discomfort.

The Facts

1. Most infants have their first tooth erupt between 6 and 8 months of age.
2. Teeth usually come up in pairs.
3. Bottom front teeth (central incisors) typically emerge first, followed by the top ones. Then the molars and the canine teeth (the pointy ones) appear. Last come the back molars.
4. Although teething usually come with a few days of discomfort and swelling before and after a tooth erupts, tooth development actually begins in the womb. Primary or “baby” teeth begin to form under the gums during the fifth month of pregnancy and slowly emerge as your baby grows. But it’s not until the teeth start breaking through the gums that things get uncomfortable for baby.
5. Baby should have her full set of 20 primary teeth by age 3. Her permanent teeth won’t begin to replace them until she’s 4 to 6 years old.

Dealing With Discomfort

The worst part of teething is seeing a child in pain. Not to mention dealing with all the fussiness. Techniques for teething discomfort include:

• A teething ring: Soft plastic or liquid-filled rings are the best kinds; some can be frozen for extra numbing comfort. But avoid the type with baubles floating inside, since a determined infant might be able to gnaw through it and swallow the little objects.
• A safe, firm, nontoxic object: Even something as simple as a wet washcloth that your baby can chew on will provide relief.
• Teething gel: In some cases, your child may need an over-the-counter infant teething gel, which will temporarily numb her gums.
• Acetaminophen or ibuprofen: An age-appropriate dose of an infants’ liquid pain reducer can provide temporary relief. Ask your pediatrician for guidelines for teething use.

Keep your baby away from nursery hazards.

It’s exciting to plan a nursery — just imagine all the cuteness in one room! Don’t forget though, you should also plan around safety measures. Experts remind us of basic safety issues to make sure your baby won’t fall prey to nursery hazards. Safe Kids Worldwide reports, home accidents send almost two million children to emergency rooms every year. Don’t let your baby be part of that statistic.

Crib Notes

Choose a crib that adheres to government safety standards. Slats should not be more than 2 and 3/8 inches apart — so your child can’t get her head stuck between them. Avoid cribs with cutout designs on some panels. Consider going the chic, minimalist look. Simple cribs without decorative knobs are safer. Those decorated corner posts can snag clothing and lead to injuries — including strangulation.

There should only be two things in your baby’s crib: a firm, tight-fitting mattress and a crib sheet. It’s tempting to make it look cute and cozy with lots of blankets, stuffed animals, and pillows, but these are all suffocation hazards for kids under 1 year old. Nix bumper pads too. The Journal of Pediatrics found that suffocation risks outweigh a bumper pad’s benefits.

Safe Decor

Art work is great for sprucing up a room and adding punches of color. If you want to hang some in the nursery, stick to lightweight canvases. At all cost, avoid heavy picture frames or mirrors that can injure your baby in case they fall. Another option is to paint on the nursery walls themselves. A wall-painted mural can definitely add some character to the room, with no fear of it falling on to your baby. Just make sure the paint used is lead-free and contains no volatile organic compounds or VOC.

No Furniture Tip-Overs

Install braces or anchors to secure tall or heavy pieces of furniture to the wall. No matter how stable a piece of furniture can be, a young child wandering around near it can pose serious danger. Young curious explorers can use dresser drawers as “ladders” to climb up and if it does topple over your child can be seriously injured. So consider installing safety latches on low drawers to prevent this.

Be Cord-and-Outlet-Cautious

Arrange the nursery so that the crib, playpen, and other low-standing pieces of furniture are away from the windows. If they’re too close, your baby could reach the window cords — a major strangulation hazard. He could also climb up to the window and fall through the screen.

As for electrical outlets, use plug protectors so your child can’t poke things into them. Use the kind that covers the entire outlet plate. My determined toddler was once able to wiggle out those individual protectors. Keep electrical cords out of your little one’s reach by tucking them behind furniture or investing in cord shorteners.

More scientific research shows the power of a mother’s love.

Cuddling, talking and playing can really do wonders for children, especially for those who grow up to be in the autism spectrum. University of Miami researchers say maternal sensitivity may influence language development among children who go on to develop autism.

Daniel Messinger of the University of Miami, the principal investigator of a larger study of infants at risk for autism that includes this study, says the study examines how early parenting can promote resiliency in this population. 

”Language problems are among the most important areas to address for children with autism, because they represent a significant impairment in daily living and communication,” Messinger said in a statement.

Maternal sensitivity is defined in the study as a combination of warmth, responsiveness to the child’s needs, respect for his or her emerging independence, positive regard for the child, and maternal structuring, or how a mother engages and teaches her child.

For example, if a child is playing with colored rings, the mother might say, “This is the green ring,” thus teaching her child about his environment, Messinger says.

The study, published online ahead of print in the upcoming Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders, says maternal sensitivity was more predictive of language growth among toddlers developing autism than among children who did not go on to an autism diagnosis.

I think this study also highlights how involved parenting can benefit all children — with or without autism or special needs. The language learning, the resilience and the communication skills a child gains from an engaged mother is good for any child.

Make sure your dog is baby-friendly.

Young children are especially vulnerable to dog attacks. We love dogs, but some of them can pose serious danger to a baby — even dogs that you’re familiar with. A pediatric surgeon who has had to treat children from dog attack injuries says take extra care with Pit bulls and Rottweilers.

Dr. Mark Wulkan of Children’s Healthcare of Atlanta explains that in his experience, dogs that attacked children often belonged to the family or the neighbors. Dr. Wulkan says, “people get this false sense of security” because they know the dog and think it won’t hurt anyone.”

Last year, 29 seriously injured children were admitted to Wulkan’s hospital for injuries caused by dogs. Dozens of other children were treated in his emergency room for bites. 
One child’s scalp and ears had been torn off and other children suffered skull injuries, damaged tracheas and face wounds.

Several children died, including a 5-day-old baby mauled by the family’s pit bull, The Atlanta Journal Constitution reported. 

Pit bulls and Rottweilers caused the most serious injuries among the children treated at Children’s Healthcare, Wulkan notes. 

”With German shepherds, they bite you and then that’s it,” Wulkan said. “Pit bulls and Rottweilers, once they go, they’re going for the kill.”

We may know our canine friend really well, but we should understand that animals can be unpredictable at times. The nicest dogs can be riled by a overly playful toddler or bothered by an unfamiliar baby and we can only guess how they’ll react. Realize that certain breeds of dogs are better around children.

Don’t buy these common baby myths!

If you just had a baby, you’re bound to have a lot of advice thrown your way. But keep in mind, common wisdom isn’t always wise. We know better these days. Holding a baby often or picking him up when he cries won’t spoil him. Keeping your baby from taking an afternoon nap is not going to make him sleep faster at night — it’s just going to make him overtired and cranky. If you’re breast feeding, spicy or citrus food won’t make your baby reject your milk. And the list of baby myths goes on and on….

When in doubt about advice thrown your way, double check with a trusted source — like your pediatrician. Meanwhile, we have four common baby myths we’ll debunk for you right now.

A good book to set baby myths straight is Babyfacts by Dr. Andrew Adesman. Dr. Adesman is Chief of Developmental and Behavioral Pediatrics at Schneider Children’s Hospital in New York and an associate professor in the Pediatrics Department at Albert Einstein College of Medicine. Here are some of the baby myths — among 200 others — he debunks in his book:

Myth: Babies need over-the-counter medication for coughs and colds.

Truth: Over-the-counter doesn’t mean safe. In fact, cough and cold medicines are not recommended for children under four years old. Children just need extra rest and fluids while letting a bout of cough or cold virus run its course. Dr. Adesman explains, “Over-the-counter baby medications have increasingly gotten ‘blacklisted’ from a pediatric standpoint. Parents feel better about doing something rather than nothing, but in reality, the medications don’t work that well and are not necessary. Accidental overdose is another serious risk.”

Myth: Herbal remedies are a safer alternative to over-the-counter medications.

Truth: Though some herbal remedies (such as echinacea) are usually safe, it is still best to consult with a doctor or homeopath before administering. Dr. Adesman says, “Data on most natural cold and flu remedies is limited at best. In some cases, you may be giving your child a substance that could cause harm. On the other hand, some natural remedies are helpful.”

Myth: All ear infections need to be treated with antibiotics.

Truth: Most babies are bound to suffer from an ear infection, but it is treatable — and not always with antibiotics. Dr. Adesman explains, “This is a big change in America because for decades, pediatricians have been very aggressive in treating ear infections. In Scandinavia, on the other hand, childhood ear infections have, for many years, been generally left untreated. The change in treatment recommendations from the American Academy of Pediatrics is based on the fact that 80% of all children with ear infections (acute otitis media or AOM) get better on their own, without antibiotics.”

Myth: Don’t vaccinate your child because vaccines can lead to autism.

Truth: No scientific investigation has successfully proven vaccines cause autism. Dr. Adesman says, “With respect to the autism ‘epidemic,’ it’s important that families recognize that in recent years, there has been a marked shift in the definition of autism, which makes it seem like rates have increased. Autism is now recognized as a ’spectrum disorder’ — with many more mild cases that were previously never classified as “autism.” In addition, children with other developmental disorders, such as mental retardation or language disorders, are also now being classified as having autism. This diagnostic substitution has led to a further increase in the reported number of children with autism. In reality, there may be some rise in the number of children with autism spectrum disorders, but experts are not certain there has been any increase in the frequency of what had originally been defined as autism. The benefits of immunizations to your child and the overall community far outweigh any risks.”

More reason to read to your kids.

We all know how valuable story-telling sessions are. Reading to your young child is not just good for bonding and fun, it is also linked to better academic performance down the road. Now, researchers say reading is important for mastering language — particularly the English language.

Canadian researchers report that reading to kids is a crucial tool in English-language development, but not other languages.

The Canadian study, published in Learning and Instruction, found that a child learning to read English — an orthographically inconsistent language where letters can have more than one sound — need more help than a child learning to read in Greek — a language with one-to-one correspondence between a letter and its sounds.

“We have found that in English, you need a rich home literacy environment — reading lots of books to children,” study leader George Georgiou of University of Alberta in Edmonton said in a statement. “It’s absolutely necessary.” 

Lacking such support, English-speaking children run the risk of falling behind at least two years versus children learning to read in Greek, the researchers said.

Georgiou recommends English-speaking parents invest time in reading to their children or at least expose them to educational TV programs such as Sesame Street and multimedia tools such as spelling games.

Remember though, the multimedia tools and educational shows will only benefit children above the age of two. Before age three, reading and talking to your child is what’s best for developing language skills. Even month old babies can benefit from hearing books read to them.

I get angry with my kids. Am I a bad mother?

In this age of over-conscious parenting, some parents attempt to never - ever - lose it with their kids. We are supposed to be the most well-read and educated generation of parents. If anything goes wrong, it only stems from our own ignorance. But hey, no matter how much we read up on things, no matter how much we know from developmental experts, we’re still basically human beings with emotions… right?

I have two young children, who despite being the loves of my life, can annoy the living daylights out of me. My daughter can cry up a storm that goes on and on… and on. And for what? Because she cannot have one more piece of chocolate after the two Hershey’s kisses I had already given her. My son can give me grief over having to shut down the television or computer — despite the long-standing rule that it’s an hour post-lunch and another hour post-dinner. See, our routine is consistent and yet I’m still awful for merely sticking to it?

After I give them a too-loud-scolding, an impatient explanation or if I roughly put on their clothes in frustration I always feel miserable after. Anger is not new to me. I have a temper I have worked hard to control over the years. My own mother’s “disciplining” methods would probably raise eyebrows with a social worker. So… my biggest fear is ending up to become that bad, scary mom who is angry all the time.

I know I am far from that, but sometimes guilt eats me up on the occasion that I do lose it. I know I am not raising any eyebrows among social workers, but I also know that I could learn to be more patient with these rambunctious, precocious kids. I am getting there and I try my best everyday.

The great thing is, I am not the perfect mom, but my kids love me anyway. Most of the time they’re good kids. Most of the time I’m not angry at them!

So, should I ever apologize when I inappropriately lose my cool once in a while? Many experts say, yes. Our kids may even learn a thing or two about rising above our mistakes and human frailties.

They explain, admitting that you made a mistake won’t undermine your authority. I actually gives you credibility. Pointing out that you know you overstepped the rules of civilized behavior underscores the idea that having rules and behaving nicely are important. It shows you’re only human and it models remorse. Plus, you’re apt to feel a lot better afterward.

Yes, feeling a little better already.