Is your child too much too handle?

Life with toddlers is a physical and emotional feat for any parent. But face it, some children are more challenging than others. We already broke down the typical traits of the challenging child. Some experts call them “high-needs” children. The other expert term we prefer is “spirited”.

If you child is a certified fireball, you can tame the flame – just don’t snuff it out. We gathered expert advice on how to live with all that spirit.

Set limits and be consistent. Starting toddler age, you can set some basic rules. At 3-years-old, a child can understand that after playing, toys must be packed away. They can grasp that new toys are for special occasions and only mom or dad has final say on what is bought at the store. Consistency means rules should be applied with very little exception – or none at all.

Avoid over-explaining. When your answer is no, offer short, understandable reasons when your child asks “why?”: It isn’t safe. It’s time. We don’t hurt. We don’t waste, etc. Bank Street School educator Didi Manahan has some suggestions: When a child asks the third time after you have explained twice, ignore or distract with another activity. Or you can say: I explained why already. Next time you ask to buy that toy, mommy will be quiet so you can remember.

Filter-in. Transitioning is difficult for any toddler, more so for the slow-to-warm spirited type. To help them through, give them a heads-up on what to expect. Before a party, tell them where you’re going and describe expected scenarios: There will be lots of other kids, maybe loud music but there will be games and cake, it should be fun…. New and still apprehensive in school? Let them come in 15 minutes early to warm up to the new environment.

Understand and give in to what is reasonable. For instance, give in to cutting those itchy clothes tags. Or accept that your little one is not ready to walk barefoot in the sand just yet. Try letting him use aqua socks. Developmental experts believe it may be nothing to us, but for some children, these “little” things are very uncomfortable since their immature senses are still on overdrive.

Encourage healthy passions. If their bodies and minds crave to be kept busy, help them channel their energies into something constructive. Maybe building blocks, drawing or origami can keep them engaged. Help them find a sport they enjoy to release some energy – they won’t have much left for making trouble.

Become a master of prevention. Experts say high needs children tend to have little awareness of hunger or fatigue. They’re too busy exploring the world! Parents should learn to read their cues and get them to rest, nap or eat before a situation is set off. Observe. Get to know your child, as each one is unique. Eventually, you’ll be an expert at predicting and avoiding their tipping points.

That’s the Spirit!

Then again, we cannot control everything. Life has its surprises. That frisky toddler you love is one of them. So if you have him in tow and the food is taking too long in a restaurant, relax. Take the time to engage your child while you wait. He may just learn something from you when it comes to coping with unexpected situations.

Realize that having a spirited child is also a blessing. Those traits that make them challenging are the same ones that can make them successful adults. Intensity can turn into passion, persistence into tenacity. High energy fuels achievement. Sensitivity and perceptiveness are keys to learning, understanding and empathy. But it takes a lot of guidance to make this happen.

According to pediatrician Dr. William Sears: “The same drive that gets your toddler into trouble also leads him to a level of creativity toward which other children may not venture. Your job is to help him drive more carefully on roads that he can handle.”

So set boundaries and exercise discipline, just make sure you don’t extinguish that fire inside of them. The world needs people with spark! Hang in there. In a few years, you might be in for a wonderful surprise.

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