They’re not my kids, should I tell them how to behave?

Disciplining another person’s child is treading on shaky ground. We don’t want to offend a child’s parents, but there are times when we need to step in. Dr. Michelle Borba, author of the book No More Misbehavin’: 38 Difficult Behaviors and How to Stop Them assures us, “it’s not intruding on another parent’s turf when you’re protecting your own child.” However, let’s lay some guidelines for responding to another parent’s misbehaving tyke.

Oh the play date gone bad…. Your 4-year-old daughter’s friend bosses her around during dress-up, grabs all the toys, doesn’t know how to take turns, then refuses to help pack away. Perhaps, the boys who came over pushed around your 5-year old son and played rough? You might be tempted to put the offending child in a time-out or send him home.

Your house, your consequences, right? Well, yes, but restrain yourself — maybe your little guest is just having a bad day. Make your house rules clear (”we take turns, and everyone must pack away after playing”). Try offering a reward (”When you’re done packing away, we’ll have cookies and lemonade”).

If she still won’t play nicely, you might try having the kids play separately for a while and see whether that helps. Steer clear of time-outs unless you’ve gotten the mom’s permission to give one. Even then, save it for more disruptive behavior, such as when a child is throwing toys or being defiant or too rough.

If necessary, ask if she’d like you to call her mother to see whether she has any suggestions – the mere threat might change her behavior. Be up-front about the problems at pickup: “We were having a little trouble with getting along and sharing today.”

Do note that In most cases, a young visitor will want to win your approval. I have hosted many play dates and usually the kids behave if we set some ground rules and offer a gentle reminder when needed.

When someone misbehaves, I talk to them at eye level and treat them with respect. Kids know when they’re being dealt with fairly, and they’ll usually cooperate in return. They also eventually realize, being disruptive can ruin everyone’s fun!

Little hands like to get busy, let them!

Notice how your toddler loves to follow what you do? It’s like they don’t want to be left out of cleaning up the house, putting on your make-up or grooming the family dog. Take advantage.

It’s the perfect time to give them some manageable chores. This will help them gain some sense of responsibility and learn good habits. Along the way, you’ll be polishing some thinking and motor skills too. Try out our suggestions for some simple toddler-to-do’s. Be inspired to think of some of your own!

Pack Away

This is the most basic chore you want to establish as a habit — cleaning up after playtime or reading time. Your child will feel you give her importance and value her skills if you let her put the books back in the baskets or the toys in the toy boxes. You can even walk through the house to scavenger for abandoned toys. Make a game out of it. Where’s the doll?” Where should it go? You’ll be surprised your tiny two year old may already know. Give her a chance to figure things out for herself.

Laundry Duty

Clothes are light and easy to pick up, and it takes little effort to put them in their place–whether that’s in a hamper or down a laundry chute. Once you get the dirty clothes to the laundry room, reward your child for good work by letting her assist with the laundry. Make a learning game of sorting clothes by color. Then they can help drop clothes into the washer.

Care For Your Pet

My daughter still loves this and she’s no longer a toddler! Caring for pets teaches them kindness and respect for living creatures. It’s simple too. Just let her fill up the bowl with kibble and pour water into the drinking bowl. My daughter even likes brushing the dog’s hair.

Grocery Helper

After a trip to the grocery, let your little helper put lightweight items in the refrigerator or pantry. Teach and encourage your child to help by talking about what the package contains, fun ways to eat the food, and where the food should be stored.

Affectionate mommy, smart baby.

Cuddle time with your baby is fun for a reason. Many reasons, actually – and not just for bonding. The back and forth smiles and funny faces, the frowns, the giggles and loving touches from you are crucial in developing your child’s intelligence, communication skills and a positive sense of self. Experts tell us why.

At about one or two months old, you will realize that your baby has fallen in love with you. She responds to your voice by excitedly turning her head when she hears it.  She may only prefer daddy or mommy to carry her. She’ll look longingly into your eyes, like she doesn’t with anyone else. After a feeding, I recall my own babies would flash me what seemed to be a thank you smile, as if saying, “thanks for breakfast mom!”

By smiling back and responding with my voice to those gestures, experts explain that I was laying the groundwork for my months-old babies’ language skills.

Most parents assume that baby’s first spoken words are what signals language development. In fact, it is those preverbal gestures which start to reveal the growing ability to communicate. When we respond to those gestures, we nurture important aspects of their personality.

Responding to coos and cries builds self-esteem by welcoming baby’s attempts to express her needs. You are also showing how feelings can be part of a dialogue. By fostering this ability to read another person’s gestures and body language, you help him tap into some primal survival skills.

Sharpening these skills at the baby-age can help your child become more attentive and cooperative when she reaches school-age. A child who reads nonverbal cues well can sense when a classmate’s interest is wandering or when teacher is losing patience. Such a child can understand changes in vocal tones and speech patterns and make astute judgements about what she sees and hears.

Making baby feel secure and loved also builds intelligence. By responding to her signals, you give meaning to her experiences. You are letting her know that her actions have an impact. Her mind is going, “So when I do this, she does that. There is a purpose in doing things. The world is logical!”

Playing with your child and responding lovingly to her are the first steps toward creative and rational thinking. Give-and-take games help her grow more physically coordinated as well. While you are rolling that ball back and forth to each other, she’s learning that looking, listening, and reaching can all work together. Games of peek-a-boo teach her object-permanence – that mom can be gone now, but will come back later. By simply enjoying playtime with your baby, you are teaching her to use her body and exercise her mind.

See? Love is powerful in many ways!

Is she a Little Einstein?

The National Association for Gifted Children tells us that about 5 percent of U.S. children have been classified as gifted. That’s around 3 million kids. As early as preschool, you might notice signs your child may be among them. Keep in mind that gifted kids need special guidance and an adjustment in parenting styles. How can you tell if your preschooler might be gifted? And what do you do?

Identifying the gifted child can be tricky. Einstein was 4-years-old before he could speak and seven before he could read. Isaac Newton did poorly in grade school. Paul McCartney slept through music class. Winston Churchill failed 6th grade.

We’re luckier these days to benefit from years of research on child development – there is better knowledge on how to handle the gifted or talented. The sooner you know your child has a special talent or gift, the sooner you can start nurturing it. More importantly, you’ll be able to avoid the problems that often surface from a child’s being out-of-the ordinary.

According to the American Association of Gifted Children at Duke University, here are some of the early signs of a gifted preschooler:

• Learns quickly and remembers easily
• Seems mature for his or her age
• Has a large vocabulary, displays an unusual interest in words, or already reads independently
• Experiments to solve problems
• Prefers older playmates
• Seems sensitive
• Exhibits intellectual curiosity
• Shows compassion for people or animals
• Enjoys puzzles, mazes, and numbers
• Questions authority
• Seems to get bored easily
• Has a high energy level

Both my kids started reading at age 3. People – particularly teachers – often remark about their advanced verbal skills and big vocabulary. The 5-year-old can build Lego structures according to instruction – with sets for 14-year-olds. When he builds structures freestyle, we are often impressed with the realism of his work and the stories that go along with them. In school, he is one grade above his reading level. He has also claimed math to be his favorite subject. I don’t want to push my kids too hard, but I am already concerned – do I need to have them assessed – and when?

I found many conflicting viewpoints about formal testing of preschoolers. Here’s one argument against routine early testing from Nancy Robinson, Ph.D. from the University of Washington, “Testing is never warranted unless it will make a difference in a student’s life. Virtually unique to gifted children is the well-meaning advice often given to parents: ‘Your child is so smart that you ought to have her tested.’ In the absence of any other referral question, testing simply to obtain a score is unwise. The effort is costly, and, even more importantly, a lower-than-expected score runs the risk of disappointing parents and affecting their view of their child. This is particularly risky for very young children for whom there are no significant educational decisions pending, and whose scores are likely to be less stable than those obtained later on.”

I find that Dr. Robinson makes sense. Other experts add, intelligence tests are designed not to give false positives. A child will not receive a higher score than reflects her ability. On the other hand, for many reasons, a very young child’s abilities may not be fully measured, resulting in a relatively low score. When a very young child is being tested, it is hard to factor in circumstances that might affect the evaluation. Test scores of young children may be unstable because they can be affected by hunger, fatigue, illness, anxiety, or distractions.

Under irregular conditions – such as a formal testing scenario – even very bright young children can become irritable and uncooperative. The resulting test score may not be an accurate indicator.

Still, I know my kids show precociousness that may – one day – warrant formal assessment. In the meantime, I’m taking a very active role in their schooling. I also chose a progressive setting that encourages critical thinking and allows kids to work at their own pace.  We also try to encourage their pursuits – from drum lessons and hip hop classes to Tae Kwon Do. They’re still quite young, so we also put no pressure.

One day we may have them tested for giftedness, but not yet. I will go by the school system’s recommended testing schedule of K3 (3rd grade) or higher. For now, it’s all about encouraging them to pursue their interests.

Encourage your budding walker!

Like we said, you can be your child’s best workout trainer… no costly gym membership required. If your child is approaching his first birthday, we have some play exercises that will help make him a good steady walker. Occupational therapists have some simple do-at-home or do-at-the park activities that are good for fun… and baby fitness.

Babies 11 to 15 months

This is the stage where most babies turn from crawlers to certified walkers. You can help your child along this developmental milestone in several ways:

• Hold on to baby on her back and briefly let go while she is standing and see how long she can do it on her own.
• Have baby stand and lean in a corner and hold on to a large toy and while she’s at this give her a ball to throw.
• Push toys can help baby have fun and flex leg muscles. Watch closely though, as push toys and walkers are reason for many emergency falls.

cruising

Once baby is standing and holding on to furniture, encourage them to start cruising – that is, moving from place to place while holding on to furniture. This helps them develop the rhythm of walking and the muscles necessary for good motor coordination.

You can place two chairs next to each other and ask your baby to walk between them. Success at this lets her gain confidence in her abilities. Working on it teaches her how to value making the effort. Soon you can move the chairs further apart and she will let go of one, take a step and grab hold of the next one.

ball throwing

At this age, coax your baby to throw balls overhand, which assists her with developing balance while standing. This could be your first official game of catch!

walk on textures and inclines

As your baby learns to stand on her own and possibly take steps, make her feet walk on different textures. Let her walk barefoot on the wooden floor at home, the stone steps outside, the grass in the park, or sand in the beach.
Your emerging walker can walk between mom and dad while holding on for assistance. Let the strolls get longer and longer.

As she progresses, help her to walk up and down small inclines or hills to vary muscle groups used. This is all a good excuse to go on a trip to the beach or take some time off to hang out in the park. Remember, those little feet were made for walking!

Fun, simple baby workouts for your 7 to 10-month-old.

Babies and young kids in general learn best through play and interaction. By nature, babies like to follow your lead and they like repetition. These little ones are naturally curious and thrive on exploring their world – engaging their sense of sight, touch and sound. They love to move around because that’s what they need to do to explore.

Exploit your child’s natural inclination to move and get into everything. We have some play-at-home ideas from certified occupational therapists that will give your baby a good workout. You’ll definitely qualify as your child’s first trainer. No expensive baby gym membership required!

Occupational therapists from Arizona’s High County Early Intervention work with children ages 0 to 3, who are showing delays in their physical development.  But they also have some simple, effective play exercises that encourage the average child to develop motor skills – on track and as scheduled.

Walking in particular is a gross motor milestone most parents anticipate. Never mind if it means having to run after them more often! Reaching that milestone is one major indicator that baby is growing – and developing – as she is supossed to.

Though it’s not just about reaching the mark. It’s also about encouraging a child’s total development. Educators and child development experts agree on the mind body connection. An active child is a thinking child.

Here are some tips for getting your baby physically fit:

Babies 7-10 Months

floor play

To encourage your baby to move, put them on their tummies on a safe, clean play mat. Place a favorite toy slightly beyond reach so they make an effort to pivot or retrieve it. This will encourage intentional movement. Typically babies will drag themselves across the floor by pushing their bodies using their legs.

Some play mats come with loops that hold up toys with varying colors and textures or make sounds when moved. These are also called baby gyms and are good for entertaining and exercising babies while they’re on their backs.

chair play

Your baby has to use her trunk muscles to sit up, so give her lots of opportunities to practice and develop upper body strength. When my daughter was able to hold her head up past her 2nd month, we got her the Bumbo Baby Seat – which she was able to use until her 11th month. Originally made for cerebral palsy patients, the chair’s unique design supports a child’s trunk and let’s them sit up as early as 2 or 3 months.

In a Bumbo Seat or a high chair, place toys on a tray and let baby reach for her favorites. She will be developing trunk strength while improving hand-eye coordination.

creeping to crawling

As your baby starts to creep, encourage her to assume the hand-knee position by placing a rolled towel below her abdomen while she’s lying on her stomach. When she’s comfortable with this position, encourage her to rock back and forth. This trains her to shift weight from one arm to another. You can also accomplish this by placing a toy in front of her so she picks it up with one hand while using the opposite arm for support.

You should also let your baby crawl up steps on her hands and knees. This one is a great total body workout for your budding walker.

standing

Your baby will eventually use her arms to pull up on furniture so she can stand with support. For her first attempts, make sure you’re within hands reach to help. Check for proper form. Feet should be flat on the floor, knees are apart and bent slightly.

Anther good exercise is to let your child stand on your lap while holding her hands and bouncing her up and down. Babies love this and it’s great for developing leg strength.

Tomorrow, more play and exercise routines as your child approaches walking age.

Surprising suggestions for Santa and you.

With Thanksgiving just ahead, Christmas isn’t far behind. If you have kids, you would probably want to get a headstart on shopping for holiday toys. I try to get this out of the way by December to ease up on last-minute holiday stress. The toy stores get pretty busy, and I don’t like getting caught in a Christmas stampede.

A doctor and professor has some good advice on what you should be getting those tots and toddlers on your list. If you’re shopping for your own preschoolers, now is the time to set the trend for a taste in quality toys that make them play, imagine and think. Read more for our good-toy guide.

The latest, pricey “it” toy is often not the wisest choice. Dr. Paula Kramer, chair and professor of occupational therapy at University of the Sciences in Philadelphia says, “these toys may be unique and novel, but they’re not always the best choice for the child, or the toy with the longest life. If a toy is static and doesn’t promote creativity, imagination, and change, it will probably end up in the corner.”

Children below age 5 tend to enjoy simple, open-ended toys. I have seen this myself. When my son was around 3, he had gotten a Transformer robot as a gift. He was interested… for about a minute. He really couldn’t transform it from robot to vehicle. It was too advanced. What really engaged our then 3-year-old? The box it came in, which he turned into a multitude of other things.

It’s as if kids are wired to use their imagination. And we should encourage this with open-ended toys. These include building toys like MegaBlocks,  Dado cubes, pickets and classic wooden blocks. A recent good buy that my daughter and son love to “work” with for hours is the Imginarium Deluxe Building Block Set. The blocks look like multi-colored bricks. They have used these inexpensive cardboard bricks to build castles and forts that were the setting for hours of dramatic play.

“Traditional toys, such as Legos, are also great because they help build skills such as fine motor manipulation and creativity,” said Dr. Kramer. “While they come with instructions on how to build certain things, kids can choose to build anything they want.”

A simple guideline would be, if it makes them imagine different outcomes and possibilities, then it’s a good open-ended toy.

Dr. Kramer points to a new development in toy trends that is good for kids – movement-oriented toys. One example is the Fisher-Price Smart Cycle where kids have to pedal through learning discoveries, games and races. It was designed to encourage physical activity while strengthening reading and motor skills.

Like we tackled in a previous post, active kids are not just fit – they are happy and do better in school. So don’t overlook these other classic gifts: tricycles, bicycles and sports equipment. For toddlers, pretend play golf, tennis or basketball can be fun.

Another reminder from Dr. Kramer is to choose toys based on your child’s developmental stage. It should be at his current ability or slightly more challenging. Not too difficult though, or else they’ll just ignore the toy – or worse, get overly frustrated.

Get your kids moving!

Encouraging kids to be physically active is more important than most parents realize. Even if your little couch potato isn’t tipping the scales, getting her to use her muscles, pump her heart and flex her joints is important for growth. Sports scientists say, active kids become taller adults. And that’s just the tip of the iceberg. Years of research have proven, active kids are happier, more sociable and better behaved. They even do better in school.

There is also the issue of childhood obesity. According to the US Center for Disease Control (CDC), obese children are likely to become obese adults. This comes with a higher risk for heart disease, diabetes, stroke, cancer and osteoarthritis when they get older.

The CDC advices that kids should get an hour or two of active movement daily. Activities can range from informal play to organized sports. The important thing is just to get them moving – and have fun while they’re at it. So how can you do this?

Sports programs

Find out what interests your child and play on his competitive streak. As early as 4 years old, kids can participate in baseball, soccer or swimming programs.

For younger children who aren’t competitive, gymnastics is ideal. It uses most muscle groups and helps build basic balance, flexibility and coordination. There are plenty gymnastics classes for toddlers now being offered.

Gymboree, for example, has sports-play programs that let toddlers try out basic movements for different sports. In one module kids can get a feel for a variety – from gymnastics, to golf, baseball and soccer – all in the spirit of fun and play. No pressure. From programs like this you can get a good idea of your child’s natural inclinations.

Enjoy the great outdoors

Living in an urban jungle doesn’t mean your children can’t enjoy sweating it outdoors. Remember hopscotch? All you need is chalk and safe ground space to get them hop-skipping to fitness. Hopscotch is actually plyometrics – a very good way to build muscle strength and coordination.

Dodgeball is another good outdoor game. For the preschool set, use a soccer or beach ball for lower impact and safety. The game rules can be altered for young kids. One team forms a circle while another team stands inside. Players who form the circle throw the ball at the players inside who must try to dodge it.

Enjoy the great indoors

There’s a lot of fun physical activity that can happen indoors as well. Your little music lover can dance to upbeat music. Encourage them!

Notice how kids love to jump up and down furniture? That’s great exercise too. Spare your sofa or bed and take jumping up a notch with a trampoline. Just make sure you have enough ceiling height or take it out to the garden.

There’s also a lot of exercise your kids can get from walking with you on errands or grocery shopping. Take them along! Let your preschooler push the mini carts. Put them in charge of loading items. Before you know it they’ve clocked in enough exercise for the day.

Get them active – for life

You can make physical activities part of your family’s daily routine by taking walks or playing active games together. Use the neighborhood playground. Take the stairs instead of the elevators. After dinner, hit the street for a moonlit walk before (or instead of!) opening the TV.

Even very young children should do simple chores – cleaning their room, packing away toys they played with, watering the plants, feeding the pet, setting the table, cleaning up after they eat. Add these all up day in and out and you’ll have a physically active child.

Make physical activities a regular part of the day and you’ll be creating a healthy pattern for life. So go… get the kids moving!