Because a well-rested child is a happy, healthy child.

A good night’s sleep is crucial for anyone — especially babies, toddlers and preschoolers. If your child sleeps well, he will have better immune function and healthy growth. Did you know that growth hormones are only produced during sleep? That’s what our pediatrician tells us. Sleep affects behavior too. Kids who are sleep-deprived are cranky, impatient, distractible and do poorly in school.

Sticking to a good bedtime routine is key to developing healthy sleep habits. Start them young and be consistent. We’ll tell you how.

Set a bedtime. Wether it’s 7, 8 or 9 PM make sure you stick to it. Children’s body clocks are set by a consistent nightly schedule. Both my children are in bed and sound asleep between 8:30 to 9 PM. We have been on this schedule since they were babies and have made very few exceptions.

It also makes it so much easier for mom and dad in the long run. Since their body clocks are set to this schedule already, they’re automatically on their way to getting their zzz’s at a predictable time. They are also up at a predictable time in the morning — on their own, with no struggle  for us to rouse them up. Definitely helps if you need them on a schedule to get ready for school!

Establish a bedtime ritual. On the run-up to bedtime, a ritual or routine is also key. Children find comfort and security in a pattern of events they’re familiar with — particularly one that sets the tone for a good night’s rest. What elements you put into your family ritual is up to you, just as long as you’re consistent and it’s not too stimulating it will get your kids wired. Daddy, save the rough-housing for earlier! Here are some rituals that help with my kids:

• A Warm Bath — Warming up body temperature slightly is relaxing and great for inducing sleep.
• A Light Snack — For some reason my kids just have to have something to nibble on before their bedtime bath. Apparently, a light snack that has some protein and carbohydrates — for example, a small piece of cheese and one half slice of whole-wheat bread — can induce sleep and helps children stay asleep through the night. The carbohydrates make them sleepy, and the protein keeps blood sugar levels even until breakfast. Be sure to brush their teeth after eating.
• A Good Story — This is a particularly comforting routine for toddlers, especially if it’s a favorite story that’s associated with bedtime, such as Goodnight Moon. As your child grows, he’ll want more stories and more variety.

Don’t forget some bedtime love. Most importantly, kids could use some cuddle-time to end their day. Nothing like the comfort and assurance of mom and dad before going off to dream land. Bedtime bonding is especially important if you’re out the whole day at work. If your child has a lovey or teddy that gives him comfort, let him take it with him to bed. And don’t forget the all-important good night kiss!

Talk to me please!

I ask my 5-year-old son how was school today? Do I get a long answer about his latest science investigation? How about a detailed account of the playground drama for the day? Nope. Apparently, getting your child to talk with you entails refining our communication approach.

Dr. Atilla Ceranoglu is a child psychiatrist at Harvard Medical School and an expert in parent-child communication. She emphasizes how important it is to have satisfying conversations with your child — as soon as your child learns to speak. “Talking to children from early on keeps both child and parent attuned to one another. It is solid preparation for the more stormy, tumultuous days of adolescence,” explains Dr. Ceranoglu.

But have you had exchanges like these with your preschooler?

You: How was school?
Child: Fine.

You: How’s your new teacher?
Child: Okay… Can I watch TV now?

Now before you take those stunted responses personally, examine possible reasons. My son can talk to me at length about many of his interests, but I am particularly frustrated about how he holds-off about his school day.

Then I read the book How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk by Adele Faber. Faber made me realize that all kids need downtime after school. All that learning and playground drama can be exhausting. After a grueling day, you just want to kick off your shoes and relax before getting into a discussion about what happened at work. Sometimes, resting from work entails not talking about it too. The same goes for children – some personality types more than others.

Now I spark better conversations with him about school during dinner when he’s rested — and more receptive. I also ask him specific questions — What did you play in outdoors? Who was in your team? Which work area did you choose for today? What book did teacher read to you? What was it about? Our dinner chats have been more interesting lately.

If we want to our kids to tell us more about how their day was, “how was your day?” is actually the question we should avoid. It just begs for a standard one-word answer like “fine” or “okay.” Remember, kids are not little adults. Dr. Ceranoglu offers more advice on how to talk to our little ones:

Do things with your child. Create opportunities to take part in activities your child loves — swimming, playing board games or just hanging out at the park. If your child is still hesitant to talk, be patient. Dr. Ceranoglu says, “Bear the silence. Even if you were fishing for a good half hour in silence, know that there is a lot more being accomplished than if you were chasing your child in words. You are giving your child the strongest message in the loudest way: You are there and will be there when that silence breaks.”

Instead of questions, throw thoughts. Instead of asking, “Did that hurt your feelings?” try saying, “Wow, that would have hurt my feelings.” That gives your child a chance to respond without being put on the defensive. Also, you’ll get more mileage out of simple listening sounds like “hmm” or “huh,” because they reflect an understanding of the child’s concerns better than questions, Ceranoglu says.

Meet them at their level. Dr. Ceranoglu says this is especially important for toddlers and preschoolers. For younger children, it often helps to kneel down to their height and talk or play with them face-to-face. If your child is frustrated trying to communicate something, help him out by naming and acknowledge his feelings: “That is sad! It was your favorite toy.”

Exploit her interests to get her to read.

Not every kid is an eager reader. Some parents worry when their preschooler can barely even sight read three letter words while seeing kids in the same class who can devour an entire picture book all by themselves in kindergarten. Remember, children develop at various paces. If a child reads early it doesn’t mean she’s a sure shot for being a literary genius. Late bloomers can even surpass them eventually in terms of literacy skills. We have some simple suggestions that can help your reluctant reader.

Consider your child’s interests. My son loves comic books like Geronimo Stilton and the Lego Exo Force series… and that gets him reading. For my daughter, it’s picture books about princesses and fairies. Experts say, comics and light picture books should not be discouraged at all. Laura Bailet PhD heads the Division of Neurology at the Florida Nemours Children’s Clinic, according to her we should not worry that comic book or picture book texts are not substantial enough.

Dr. Bailet says, “They can play important roles in helping kids understand some fundamentals, like how events take place in a sequence and stories are laid out. They also help build vocabulary and show that books can be visually appealing. Once your child becomes comfortable with the experience of reading, you can encourage other literature selections with a variety of challenging content.”

Read it again and again… and again. You may notice if your child finally finds a book she likes, she’ll want it read to her over and over again. That’s a good thing. Repetition allows children to master the text and eventually sail through it with ease and confidence. As Dr. Bailet explains it, “Each new reading of the book may also help them understand it just a little better. That positive experience may inspire them to give new books a try.”

Create interesting reading opportunities. Give your child rewarding chances to read every day. Write notes and leave them on a pillow, in a lunchbox, or in a pocket. Ask friends and relatives to send postcards and letters. Leave magnetic letters and words on the refrigerator, and you may find her spontaneously creating words, sentences, and stories. On road trips or errands, play word games that strengthen language skills. My kids like playing “I Spy” (”I spy something that starts with an ‘a’ …”) or games where you pick a category like “food” and then everyone has to name foods that begin with a certain letter.

If you’re worried, seek help. If you’re concerned about your child’s ability or willingness to read, don’t wait. Consult with your child’s doctor or teacher. If they share your concern, they may be able to suggest resources. A friend was worried about her 5-year-old son who refused to read anything. His kindergarten teachers suggested having him assessed by a developmental pediatrician. At first, the doctor suspected visual dyslexia. Before further tests were done, a simple eye test was given. Her son just had very poor vision and needed corrective glasses.

Whatever is hindering a child’s reading efforts, there is usually a way to deal with it. Observe and act quickly because the sooner a problem is dealt with, the better. Reading is a very important foundation for lifelong learning.

What makes them so sensitive, can also make them do so well.

As a baby, my son couldn’t stand the sound of the vacuum cleaner. A noisy blender would scare him to tears. When he was 2-years-old, I thought all kids loved carousels so I took him for a ride. He hated it. He wailed and begged to get off even if he was on my lap as we were riding a coach. Every strange noise, every new experience was met with trepidation.

My daughter was a bit different. Strange sounds were met more with curiosity than fear, but she was even more clingy than her also-clingy big brother. She was adventurous in the play ground, she made friends, but before getting that way she needed a long warm-up period.

A few years later and my little neurotics are now happy, well-adjusted preschoolers. Though I do notice they are essentially still cautious, still sensitive to everything and everyone around them. Still slow to warm. I had accepted these traits as part of their nature,  although it can make parties and play dates more difficult for me. Little did I know, that such sensitive children may actually have an advantage over their more easy going, gregarious peers. At least that’s what research tells us.

Scientists believe that children who are sensitive or highly reactive to stress may actually thrive better than those who just go with the flow. But — and this is a big but — these sensitive kids only tend to do better in the right environment. If they don’t survive a bad environment growing up, these kids could be your future depressives, drug addicts and social misfits. Flip side is, if they survive, they could reach Oprah-level success.

The journal Child Development published a new study on sensitive children early this year. Observing 338 preschoolers, researchers tested how easily stressed the children got, then measured behavior and school performance.

Among sensitive kids, “harsh and restrictive parenting,” exposure to a lot of anger and fighting, and family financial problems indicated a dip in social skills. The other sensitive kids in happy homes? They fared well. So well that they did much better than their easy-going counterparts. Highly-reactive kids who were well-nurtured had the highest rates of sharing, helping and initiating friendships. They also had the highest academic gains in school.

The calm kids who faced challenges with less stress were more resilient when there was trouble at home. For these children, school and social success was average across the board.

This latest study highlights new terminology being used among developmental psychologists — that some kids are dandelions, some are orchids. Dandelions are hardy and can grow well almost anywhere. Orchids can thrive beautifully, but with the right care.

How would you classify your own child? Let’s think hard about that, so whatever kind of “flower” they may be, we can give them the kind of nurturing they need. My little theroy… all kids are orchids and dandelions in varying ways. They all need good care. Still, with a feeling my kids are orchid varieties, I’d like to be extra sensitive to their needs.

Tell me mommy… I need to know!

Oh, precocious kids with their questions. Remember when we first brought up the sex question and the curiosity about death? Well, preschoolers are making more sense of their world and can set you off the loop with even more tricky questions. Don’t get tongue-tied. We have more tough questions from kids and experts tell us how to answer them.

When my son was two, he asked: “Why is the sky so big?” Hmmm… do I reply with science or do I get into my first existential conversation with him? I settled for a bit of both, but it really got me thinking. When my child throws me a tough question, how specific should I get? How honest should I be? What if I confuse him even more? Suddenly I had more questions than my son.

So, I turned to the pros. Here, child experts give advice us on what — and what not — to say in answer to 3 tough questions kids can ask.

Your 4-year-old asks, Why do they say Uncle John is gay?

Deborah Rothman wrote the book Sex and Sensibility: The Thinking Parent’s Guide to Talking About Sex. She suggests you first clarify what a couple is. Give examples like you and your husband, an aunt and uncle your child knows are married. Explain that couples love each other in a special way. They love each other’s company so much that they live together or get married like mom and dad. Then explain how there are cases when couples are made up of two men or two women. Since Uncle John has a boyfriend, not a girlfriend, then he is gay. In case Uncle John is single, say he prefers that his special someone would be a man like himself, not a woman.

Kids will often take this simple, factual answer. Tell your child that they may hear the word “gay” used negatively and that it is nasty to use the word that way. Use this as a teaching moment to explain tolerance and acceptance of different kinds of people.

Your 5-year-old asks, Why is Jason’s house bigger and nicer than ours?

This question reflects an unintended form of peer pressure and a child’s wish to be more like his friend or for you to be more like his parents. Joe Sibayan, curriculum coordinator of Keys Grade School advises against using statements like “they are richer” or “we are poorer” or “because we can’t afford it.” This can make a child feel even more deprived, maybe even skew his sense of values towards materialism or stir up envy.

Assure your child you have enough resources to care for the family, but emphasize that being rich in love and happiness is more important than material wealth. Here’s how teacher Joe would put it:

“Grown-ups decide to do different things with their money. Jason’s parents decided to spend a lot of money on making their house nice and big. We decided to spend it on other things, like that nice trip we took last year and saving money for your school. How did you feel when you saw Sandro’s house was so big and nice? I hope you felt happy for him, because that’s how we should feel when we see other people have nice things.”

Your 3-year-old asks, Why is f@_k! a bad word?

Emphasize to your child that words in themselves are not bad, but the intention behind saying them can be the problem, says teacher Joe. If your child is reprimanded for blurting out an expletive and asks shy those words are bad, here’s how he would explain it:

You know that you can touch in different ways, right? There’s a touch that’s loving, like when you hug or shake hands. There’s a touch that hurts, like when hands are used to hit someone. It’s the same when you talk. You can talk in a loving way by using gentle words. But there are words that can hurt. Those words you just said are words that hurt others, so we choose not to say them.”

Parents can cultivate excellence, no matter what genetic blueprint.

Many parents ask themselves at one point, what can I do for my child to achieve greatness? Author David Shenk dares to answer this loaded question with his new book The Genius in All of Us: Why everything you have been told about genetics, talent and IQ is wrong. Shenk asserts that genius can be ignited. His book discusses how the nature versus nurture debate has been missing the point all these years. His book shows evidence on how human achievements are the outcome of the nuanced interplay between genes and environment.

If anybody can be a genius, why are there so few Mozarts, Eisnteins or Tiger Woods among us? Citing the latest in human development research, Shenk underscores that genius is nothing without extraordinary dedication and persistence. Yes, we all know that. But there still seems to be a strong belief that people either have it or they don’t, and that’s that.

Just think… all those high achievers we had mentioned, from Mozart to Woods, all had started nurturing their talents young and put in so many hours honing their skills. Einstein has been quoted to say, “It’s not that I’m so smart. It’s just that I stay with problems longer.”

Einstein may have been over-dramatic with that statement. Of course he was very smart. His point is, we tend to forget that he had to work very hard for his achievements.

What this tells me is that as parents we should make an extra effort to cultivate persistence — extraordinary persistence. Apparently, years of research can show us how to cultivate persistence and tenacity. I’d like to see what new science has to say about this so I’m going out to get David Shenk’s book. If you have kids or have a baby on your way, the book could be worth checking out.

Creative ways to show them how to play give and take.

That’s mine! Give it to me! No, not for her! If you have a toddler you’ve probably heard those lines often enough. Toddlers are notoriously self-centered. Sharing is something they still need to learn. Developmental experts say, the concept of giving really becomes clear at around age 5. But there are some ways to show younger kids basic rules for give and take, paving the way for a good sharing attitude in the future.

Show Them How

Kids learn best from what they see day-to-day. So let your toddler see you in the act of sharing. If you’re eating a sandwich, offer him a bite. Having your favorite smoothie? Offer a sip. You and your husband should often model the art of give and take as well — whether it’s taking turns choosing what movie to watch or sharing space in the bathroom.

Special Things

Even as adults we have certain possessions we are extra careful with — special books or heirloom dishes we inherited from dear grandma that we don’t loan to friends. Well, allow your toddler to have a few special objects too. Perhaps his tattered lovey bear? Maybe the new princess doll she got for her birthday? Don’t force your child to share a few objects that obviously mean a lot. Do make sure that whatever it is, it should be set aside during a play date. All other toys in the playroom are to share, the special things stay in the closet until the other kids leave.

Bring Out The Timer

I have two kids at home who at one time were toddlers together! My best friend for settling power struggles on who gets to play with the hot toy of the moment? Our kitchen timer. It was great for teaching them the basic rule of taking turns — “you play with it for 10 minutes each, when the timer goes off it’s your sister’s turn.”

Give to Charity

Holidays or birthdays are the perfect time to talk to your children about sharing with others less fortunate. Get them involved in giving to a children’s shelter toy collection or a coat drive where your child can donate some of her own toys or clothes that are no longer in use. Or you can have her pick out a few new toys to buy that will be donated to charity.

Role-Play

If your toddler often says no when asked to share, try a little role reversal. Get down on the floor for some playtime then, when your little one asks for something — the yellow block or a turn banging on the toy drums — say no. When he gets upset, talk to him about how he feels and how he wouldn’t want to make his friends feel the same way. Next time you’re at a playdate and he hesitates to share… remind him of that incident.

Praise the Positive

We spend so much time telling our kids to behave, it’s easy to forget to acknowledge them when they do something right – sharing included. Positively reinforce their good behavior. You see your son share his loot of candy with his sister, tell him: “You made your sister happy by giving her some of your candy. I love seeing you sharing with each other.”

Finally, sharing is also honed by practice… so let your child play with other kids. Time at the playground or play date sessions are rife with learning moments to teach them the nuances of give-and-take.

They’re not my kids, should I tell them how to behave?

Disciplining another person’s child is treading on shaky ground. We don’t want to offend a child’s parents, but there are times when we need to step in. Dr. Michelle Borba, author of the book No More Misbehavin’: 38 Difficult Behaviors and How to Stop Them assures us, “it’s not intruding on another parent’s turf when you’re protecting your own child.” However, let’s lay some guidelines for responding to another parent’s misbehaving tyke.

Oh the play date gone bad…. Your 4-year-old daughter’s friend bosses her around during dress-up, grabs all the toys, doesn’t know how to take turns, then refuses to help pack away. Perhaps, the boys who came over pushed around your 5-year old son and played rough? You might be tempted to put the offending child in a time-out or send him home.

Your house, your consequences, right? Well, yes, but restrain yourself — maybe your little guest is just having a bad day. Make your house rules clear (”we take turns, and everyone must pack away after playing”). Try offering a reward (”When you’re done packing away, we’ll have cookies and lemonade”).

If she still won’t play nicely, you might try having the kids play separately for a while and see whether that helps. Steer clear of time-outs unless you’ve gotten the mom’s permission to give one. Even then, save it for more disruptive behavior, such as when a child is throwing toys or being defiant or too rough.

If necessary, ask if she’d like you to call her mother to see whether she has any suggestions – the mere threat might change her behavior. Be up-front about the problems at pickup: “We were having a little trouble with getting along and sharing today.”

Do note that In most cases, a young visitor will want to win your approval. I have hosted many play dates and usually the kids behave if we set some ground rules and offer a gentle reminder when needed.

When someone misbehaves, I talk to them at eye level and treat them with respect. Kids know when they’re being dealt with fairly, and they’ll usually cooperate in return. They also eventually realize, being disruptive can ruin everyone’s fun!

More scientific research shows the power of a mother’s love.

Cuddling, talking and playing can really do wonders for children, especially for those who grow up to be in the autism spectrum. University of Miami researchers say maternal sensitivity may influence language development among children who go on to develop autism.

Daniel Messinger of the University of Miami, the principal investigator of a larger study of infants at risk for autism that includes this study, says the study examines how early parenting can promote resiliency in this population. 

”Language problems are among the most important areas to address for children with autism, because they represent a significant impairment in daily living and communication,” Messinger said in a statement.

Maternal sensitivity is defined in the study as a combination of warmth, responsiveness to the child’s needs, respect for his or her emerging independence, positive regard for the child, and maternal structuring, or how a mother engages and teaches her child.

For example, if a child is playing with colored rings, the mother might say, “This is the green ring,” thus teaching her child about his environment, Messinger says.

The study, published online ahead of print in the upcoming Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders, says maternal sensitivity was more predictive of language growth among toddlers developing autism than among children who did not go on to an autism diagnosis.

I think this study also highlights how involved parenting can benefit all children — with or without autism or special needs. The language learning, the resilience and the communication skills a child gains from an engaged mother is good for any child.

More reason to read to your kids.

We all know how valuable story-telling sessions are. Reading to your young child is not just good for bonding and fun, it is also linked to better academic performance down the road. Now, researchers say reading is important for mastering language — particularly the English language.

Canadian researchers report that reading to kids is a crucial tool in English-language development, but not other languages.

The Canadian study, published in Learning and Instruction, found that a child learning to read English — an orthographically inconsistent language where letters can have more than one sound — need more help than a child learning to read in Greek — a language with one-to-one correspondence between a letter and its sounds.

“We have found that in English, you need a rich home literacy environment — reading lots of books to children,” study leader George Georgiou of University of Alberta in Edmonton said in a statement. “It’s absolutely necessary.” 

Lacking such support, English-speaking children run the risk of falling behind at least two years versus children learning to read in Greek, the researchers said.

Georgiou recommends English-speaking parents invest time in reading to their children or at least expose them to educational TV programs such as Sesame Street and multimedia tools such as spelling games.

Remember though, the multimedia tools and educational shows will only benefit children above the age of two. Before age three, reading and talking to your child is what’s best for developing language skills. Even month old babies can benefit from hearing books read to them.