Family meals ease anxiety — and asthma as well.

Family mealtime is great for many things… including better outcomes for children with asthma. U.S. researchers found children’s asthma symptoms decrease if their families have regular mealtimes together.

Barbara H. Fiese, director of the University of Illinois Family Resiliency Center, said family members play an important role in helping children emotionally manage their asthma symptoms.

Experts tell us, a supportive, organized environment during mealtime puts a child at ease whereas a chaotic, unresponsive atmosphere fosters worry and anxiety. What many don’t know is that stress and anxiety are major asthma triggers.

“It makes sense that children who have difficulty breathing might be anxious and prefer to keep their parents, who can help them in an emergency, close by,” Fiese said in a statement. 

”Supportive interaction during family mealtimes helps increase a child’s sense of security and eases separation anxiety symptoms. The reason is, when children are less anxious, their lung function improves.”

During the six-week study, 63 children ages 9-12 with persistent asthma completed questionnaires and were interviewed about their physical and mental health, including an assessment for separation anxiety.

“Children need regularity and predictability,” Fiese said. “When families are overwhelmed or lack the skills to keep routines in place, there are often physical and psychological costs to their children. Left untreated, separation anxiety can lead to adult panic disorder.”

Fiese’s study is published in the Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry.

Oh no… can we really handle another one?

My second daughter came to us sooner than expected. My son had not even reached his second birthday… and surprise! …we were pregnant again. Maybe the hormones were also to blame, but while the “good news” made my husband ecstatic it made me cry and panic. Apparently, my reaction is not unusual. If you’re feeling overwhelmed about that new baby on the way, I offer some comforting words.

True, taking care of two versus one is more complicated. There’s a transition phase that will entail some struggle and a few mistakes here and there. But that transition phase will eventually pass.

It hit me the moment I saw my son playing with his sister and her finding joy in being with her big brother. Eventually, I realized I was no longer at my son’s beck and call for entertainment. Now they have their own games and language that mom and dad are not part of… and it melts my heart when I see them relishing each other’s company.

There are fights of course. But what’s great about that is, I let them settle things on their own as much as possible. In the end, they’re better at dealing with other people in general.

Another upside of adding to your family: You’re an expert now, and you can kiss all that constant questioning good-bye. You’ve already raised one baby so you know what’s coming with sleep, feeding, and setting limits. In my experience, nursing the second time around was so much easier.

Transition Smoothly

With two kids you will definitely need to streamline your life. Set a systematic schedule for chores, shopping and errands. I really can’t imagine how a laissez faire approach can work.

When it comes to kids, you’ll find that setting and sticking to routines is key. As soon as you can, get your new baby on a regular nap and bedtime schedule; everyone will be in a better mood. Eventually, both kids will go to bed around the same time and eat regular meals together, which will make your life a lot easier.

A few more important tips:

Spend one-on-one time with each child. Set aside time for just hanging out with one kid at a time. This was especially helpful with my older son. He hardly felt like his sister was taking his mom away from him.

Indulge in date night. One night a week mom and dad deserve to spend some time together without the kids. It’s good for your marriage and sanity. You’ll take better care of your kids if you’re happy.

I laugh at myself now recalling those panic-stricken tear-filled days when I was surprised to find out baby number two was on it’s way. Today I consider my baby girl to be the best surprise ever.

Because a well-rested child is a happy, healthy child.

A good night’s sleep is crucial for anyone — especially babies, toddlers and preschoolers. If your child sleeps well, he will have better immune function and healthy growth. Did you know that growth hormones are only produced during sleep? That’s what our pediatrician tells us. Sleep affects behavior too. Kids who are sleep-deprived are cranky, impatient, distractible and do poorly in school.

Sticking to a good bedtime routine is key to developing healthy sleep habits. Start them young and be consistent. We’ll tell you how.

Set a bedtime. Wether it’s 7, 8 or 9 PM make sure you stick to it. Children’s body clocks are set by a consistent nightly schedule. Both my children are in bed and sound asleep between 8:30 to 9 PM. We have been on this schedule since they were babies and have made very few exceptions.

It also makes it so much easier for mom and dad in the long run. Since their body clocks are set to this schedule already, they’re automatically on their way to getting their zzz’s at a predictable time. They are also up at a predictable time in the morning — on their own, with no struggle  for us to rouse them up. Definitely helps if you need them on a schedule to get ready for school!

Establish a bedtime ritual. On the run-up to bedtime, a ritual or routine is also key. Children find comfort and security in a pattern of events they’re familiar with — particularly one that sets the tone for a good night’s rest. What elements you put into your family ritual is up to you, just as long as you’re consistent and it’s not too stimulating it will get your kids wired. Daddy, save the rough-housing for earlier! Here are some rituals that help with my kids:

• A Warm Bath — Warming up body temperature slightly is relaxing and great for inducing sleep.
• A Light Snack — For some reason my kids just have to have something to nibble on before their bedtime bath. Apparently, a light snack that has some protein and carbohydrates — for example, a small piece of cheese and one half slice of whole-wheat bread — can induce sleep and helps children stay asleep through the night. The carbohydrates make them sleepy, and the protein keeps blood sugar levels even until breakfast. Be sure to brush their teeth after eating.
• A Good Story — This is a particularly comforting routine for toddlers, especially if it’s a favorite story that’s associated with bedtime, such as Goodnight Moon. As your child grows, he’ll want more stories and more variety.

Don’t forget some bedtime love. Most importantly, kids could use some cuddle-time to end their day. Nothing like the comfort and assurance of mom and dad before going off to dream land. Bedtime bonding is especially important if you’re out the whole day at work. If your child has a lovey or teddy that gives him comfort, let him take it with him to bed. And don’t forget the all-important good night kiss!

Talk to me please!

I ask my 5-year-old son how was school today? Do I get a long answer about his latest science investigation? How about a detailed account of the playground drama for the day? Nope. Apparently, getting your child to talk with you entails refining our communication approach.

Dr. Atilla Ceranoglu is a child psychiatrist at Harvard Medical School and an expert in parent-child communication. She emphasizes how important it is to have satisfying conversations with your child — as soon as your child learns to speak. “Talking to children from early on keeps both child and parent attuned to one another. It is solid preparation for the more stormy, tumultuous days of adolescence,” explains Dr. Ceranoglu.

But have you had exchanges like these with your preschooler?

You: How was school?
Child: Fine.

You: How’s your new teacher?
Child: Okay… Can I watch TV now?

Now before you take those stunted responses personally, examine possible reasons. My son can talk to me at length about many of his interests, but I am particularly frustrated about how he holds-off about his school day.

Then I read the book How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk by Adele Faber. Faber made me realize that all kids need downtime after school. All that learning and playground drama can be exhausting. After a grueling day, you just want to kick off your shoes and relax before getting into a discussion about what happened at work. Sometimes, resting from work entails not talking about it too. The same goes for children – some personality types more than others.

Now I spark better conversations with him about school during dinner when he’s rested — and more receptive. I also ask him specific questions — What did you play in outdoors? Who was in your team? Which work area did you choose for today? What book did teacher read to you? What was it about? Our dinner chats have been more interesting lately.

If we want to our kids to tell us more about how their day was, “how was your day?” is actually the question we should avoid. It just begs for a standard one-word answer like “fine” or “okay.” Remember, kids are not little adults. Dr. Ceranoglu offers more advice on how to talk to our little ones:

Do things with your child. Create opportunities to take part in activities your child loves — swimming, playing board games or just hanging out at the park. If your child is still hesitant to talk, be patient. Dr. Ceranoglu says, “Bear the silence. Even if you were fishing for a good half hour in silence, know that there is a lot more being accomplished than if you were chasing your child in words. You are giving your child the strongest message in the loudest way: You are there and will be there when that silence breaks.”

Instead of questions, throw thoughts. Instead of asking, “Did that hurt your feelings?” try saying, “Wow, that would have hurt my feelings.” That gives your child a chance to respond without being put on the defensive. Also, you’ll get more mileage out of simple listening sounds like “hmm” or “huh,” because they reflect an understanding of the child’s concerns better than questions, Ceranoglu says.

Meet them at their level. Dr. Ceranoglu says this is especially important for toddlers and preschoolers. For younger children, it often helps to kneel down to their height and talk or play with them face-to-face. If your child is frustrated trying to communicate something, help him out by naming and acknowledge his feelings: “That is sad! It was your favorite toy.”

Exploit her interests to get her to read.

Not every kid is an eager reader. Some parents worry when their preschooler can barely even sight read three letter words while seeing kids in the same class who can devour an entire picture book all by themselves in kindergarten. Remember, children develop at various paces. If a child reads early it doesn’t mean she’s a sure shot for being a literary genius. Late bloomers can even surpass them eventually in terms of literacy skills. We have some simple suggestions that can help your reluctant reader.

Consider your child’s interests. My son loves comic books like Geronimo Stilton and the Lego Exo Force series… and that gets him reading. For my daughter, it’s picture books about princesses and fairies. Experts say, comics and light picture books should not be discouraged at all. Laura Bailet PhD heads the Division of Neurology at the Florida Nemours Children’s Clinic, according to her we should not worry that comic book or picture book texts are not substantial enough.

Dr. Bailet says, “They can play important roles in helping kids understand some fundamentals, like how events take place in a sequence and stories are laid out. They also help build vocabulary and show that books can be visually appealing. Once your child becomes comfortable with the experience of reading, you can encourage other literature selections with a variety of challenging content.”

Read it again and again… and again. You may notice if your child finally finds a book she likes, she’ll want it read to her over and over again. That’s a good thing. Repetition allows children to master the text and eventually sail through it with ease and confidence. As Dr. Bailet explains it, “Each new reading of the book may also help them understand it just a little better. That positive experience may inspire them to give new books a try.”

Create interesting reading opportunities. Give your child rewarding chances to read every day. Write notes and leave them on a pillow, in a lunchbox, or in a pocket. Ask friends and relatives to send postcards and letters. Leave magnetic letters and words on the refrigerator, and you may find her spontaneously creating words, sentences, and stories. On road trips or errands, play word games that strengthen language skills. My kids like playing “I Spy” (”I spy something that starts with an ‘a’ …”) or games where you pick a category like “food” and then everyone has to name foods that begin with a certain letter.

If you’re worried, seek help. If you’re concerned about your child’s ability or willingness to read, don’t wait. Consult with your child’s doctor or teacher. If they share your concern, they may be able to suggest resources. A friend was worried about her 5-year-old son who refused to read anything. His kindergarten teachers suggested having him assessed by a developmental pediatrician. At first, the doctor suspected visual dyslexia. Before further tests were done, a simple eye test was given. Her son just had very poor vision and needed corrective glasses.

Whatever is hindering a child’s reading efforts, there is usually a way to deal with it. Observe and act quickly because the sooner a problem is dealt with, the better. Reading is a very important foundation for lifelong learning.

Be a savvy shopper and save hundreds off your monthly grocery bill.

Times are tough and we could all benefit from saving money anywhere we can. You can’t do much about your mortgage or rent, but you can squeeze extra savings from your grocery bill. We share shopping tricks that can work wonders on cost-cutting.

Shop when you’re full and shop alone. I noticed, if you’re not hungry there’s less chance of snapping-up an extra bag of snacks or a grocery special that’s very tempting. Sounds silly? Try it. Leaving the kids and even my husband at home also lessens chances of curiosity buys or impulse purchases. Add those up at the end of the month and you could see hundreds of dollars in unneeded purchases!

Have a shopping list. Now… it does not end at having all your grocery needs jotted down. Have a shopping plan and stick to it. Walk towards all the items you really need and avoid browsing through the distractions.

Stores use sneaky tactics. Those diapers and milk are at the back of the store for a reason — so you will have to pass all those shelves of tempting distractions before getting to what you really need.

Be store savvy. Avoid buying the items displayed by the register. The magazines at the checkout stand cost much more per issue than they would if you had a subscription, and food items in those little packages cost more than a from a box. Almost everything near the register is there to tempt you to buy on impulse, not to save you money.

Extra tip: lessen trips to the store so you have less chance of adding those impulse buys. This is another reason why those grocery lists and some extra planning can really save you money.

Go generic. The less-costly house brands are often so similar to national brands that you wouldn’t be able to tell them apart without the packaging. Read labels to compare nutritional value and you’ll quickly see how little difference (if any) there is.

Also, keep in mind that meat and dairy products all have to meet government standards, so store brands should be just as wholesome and nutritious as national brands.

Buy in bulk. Buy big volume to get big discounts on non-perishable items such as toiletries. Frozen foods can be divided into smaller packs before stocking them in your home freezer.

What makes them so sensitive, can also make them do so well.

As a baby, my son couldn’t stand the sound of the vacuum cleaner. A noisy blender would scare him to tears. When he was 2-years-old, I thought all kids loved carousels so I took him for a ride. He hated it. He wailed and begged to get off even if he was on my lap as we were riding a coach. Every strange noise, every new experience was met with trepidation.

My daughter was a bit different. Strange sounds were met more with curiosity than fear, but she was even more clingy than her also-clingy big brother. She was adventurous in the play ground, she made friends, but before getting that way she needed a long warm-up period.

A few years later and my little neurotics are now happy, well-adjusted preschoolers. Though I do notice they are essentially still cautious, still sensitive to everything and everyone around them. Still slow to warm. I had accepted these traits as part of their nature,  although it can make parties and play dates more difficult for me. Little did I know, that such sensitive children may actually have an advantage over their more easy going, gregarious peers. At least that’s what research tells us.

Scientists believe that children who are sensitive or highly reactive to stress may actually thrive better than those who just go with the flow. But — and this is a big but — these sensitive kids only tend to do better in the right environment. If they don’t survive a bad environment growing up, these kids could be your future depressives, drug addicts and social misfits. Flip side is, if they survive, they could reach Oprah-level success.

The journal Child Development published a new study on sensitive children early this year. Observing 338 preschoolers, researchers tested how easily stressed the children got, then measured behavior and school performance.

Among sensitive kids, “harsh and restrictive parenting,” exposure to a lot of anger and fighting, and family financial problems indicated a dip in social skills. The other sensitive kids in happy homes? They fared well. So well that they did much better than their easy-going counterparts. Highly-reactive kids who were well-nurtured had the highest rates of sharing, helping and initiating friendships. They also had the highest academic gains in school.

The calm kids who faced challenges with less stress were more resilient when there was trouble at home. For these children, school and social success was average across the board.

This latest study highlights new terminology being used among developmental psychologists — that some kids are dandelions, some are orchids. Dandelions are hardy and can grow well almost anywhere. Orchids can thrive beautifully, but with the right care.

How would you classify your own child? Let’s think hard about that, so whatever kind of “flower” they may be, we can give them the kind of nurturing they need. My little theroy… all kids are orchids and dandelions in varying ways. They all need good care. Still, with a feeling my kids are orchid varieties, I’d like to be extra sensitive to their needs.

Babies need time and from Daddy too.

Babies are typically extra close to mommy. My husband was the first to notice that our days-old newborn would respond to my voice more than anyones else’s. It’s the sound she’d hear most often inside my uterus! Then there’s the breast feeding which truly does seal an almost mystical bond between mother and child.

But what about Daddy? Dads, don’t be afraid. Tiny as she is… she won’t break. So take every chance you can get hold her, take care of some baby duties… and just enjoy that bundle of joy. Mommies already have natural advantages to earn baby’s affections. But dads can step up their baby-game too. We’ll tell you how.

So how do you show your baby the world does not just revolve around mommy? You may not be baby’s personal milk bar, but you can be so much more. Here are our suggestions for some good daddy-and-me-time:

Daddy Cuddles

When mom is breast feeding notice how she cuddles baby close to her chest, as she gazes into her eyes? When you get the chance to bottle-feed, make sure to hold baby in the same position, allowing her to gaze up at you. Smile and make her touch your face.

When baby is upset and crying it’s easy to just hand her to mommy. If you know she’s not hungry, take a shot at calming her yourself. Try singing to her, walking her around, gently rocking, or find the pacifier for her to suck on. She must learn that mommy isn’t the only one who can give her what she needs.

Daddy Fun

You can be the fun and funny guy. Make silly faces that will make your baby glow with a smile. Babies love silly faces. As your baby gets older try fun games like peekaboo.

Are you a music lover? Play your favorite tunes and carry baby while dancing to the beat. Skip the heavy metal rock and blaring volume though. Babies love rhythmic motion and music, so play her your jazz or pop or indie rock tunes for some happy dance time.

Daddy Night Shift

You might be gone the whole day for work so take daddy-diaper duty at night. Take charge of feeding, bathing or getting baby dressed for bed — any night time care required — so you become an important part of the little one’s day too. While mom catches up on extra sleep, you might want to take charge of that extra night feeding or soothing baby when she’s fussy at night.

A consistent bedtime schedule is very important to helping your baby sleep through the night. Choose a part of the routine you want to be involved in — like bath or story time. Yup, even babies can enjoy books if they like the pictures and how you deliver the words. This will help baby understand that when Dad says its bath time or story time, it will be bedtime soon too.

Daddy Nightingale

When your baby gets sick it’s important for you to care for her as well — so take a day off to stay home with baby once in a while. Try to go to baby well checkups, so you can hear from the doctor how she’s developing and growing.

Take Daddy-and-Me Walks

Babies love fresh air and relishing new sights. So take your little bundle for a stroll around the block or to the park. Try using a sling or carrier instead of the stroller. This will keep baby close to you throughout the walk. Just be sure baby is slathered in sunscreen if it’s hot outside and bundled up if it’s a little chilly.

Play Time Just With Dad

Set aside time every day or night just play with your little girl. Make it part of her daily routine, so she looks forward to regular daddy time. Little girls and boys need lots of time and affection from daddy too!

Tell me mommy… I need to know!

Oh, precocious kids with their questions. Remember when we first brought up the sex question and the curiosity about death? Well, preschoolers are making more sense of their world and can set you off the loop with even more tricky questions. Don’t get tongue-tied. We have more tough questions from kids and experts tell us how to answer them.

When my son was two, he asked: “Why is the sky so big?” Hmmm… do I reply with science or do I get into my first existential conversation with him? I settled for a bit of both, but it really got me thinking. When my child throws me a tough question, how specific should I get? How honest should I be? What if I confuse him even more? Suddenly I had more questions than my son.

So, I turned to the pros. Here, child experts give advice us on what — and what not — to say in answer to 3 tough questions kids can ask.

Your 4-year-old asks, Why do they say Uncle John is gay?

Deborah Rothman wrote the book Sex and Sensibility: The Thinking Parent’s Guide to Talking About Sex. She suggests you first clarify what a couple is. Give examples like you and your husband, an aunt and uncle your child knows are married. Explain that couples love each other in a special way. They love each other’s company so much that they live together or get married like mom and dad. Then explain how there are cases when couples are made up of two men or two women. Since Uncle John has a boyfriend, not a girlfriend, then he is gay. In case Uncle John is single, say he prefers that his special someone would be a man like himself, not a woman.

Kids will often take this simple, factual answer. Tell your child that they may hear the word “gay” used negatively and that it is nasty to use the word that way. Use this as a teaching moment to explain tolerance and acceptance of different kinds of people.

Your 5-year-old asks, Why is Jason’s house bigger and nicer than ours?

This question reflects an unintended form of peer pressure and a child’s wish to be more like his friend or for you to be more like his parents. Joe Sibayan, curriculum coordinator of Keys Grade School advises against using statements like “they are richer” or “we are poorer” or “because we can’t afford it.” This can make a child feel even more deprived, maybe even skew his sense of values towards materialism or stir up envy.

Assure your child you have enough resources to care for the family, but emphasize that being rich in love and happiness is more important than material wealth. Here’s how teacher Joe would put it:

“Grown-ups decide to do different things with their money. Jason’s parents decided to spend a lot of money on making their house nice and big. We decided to spend it on other things, like that nice trip we took last year and saving money for your school. How did you feel when you saw Sandro’s house was so big and nice? I hope you felt happy for him, because that’s how we should feel when we see other people have nice things.”

Your 3-year-old asks, Why is f@_k! a bad word?

Emphasize to your child that words in themselves are not bad, but the intention behind saying them can be the problem, says teacher Joe. If your child is reprimanded for blurting out an expletive and asks shy those words are bad, here’s how he would explain it:

You know that you can touch in different ways, right? There’s a touch that’s loving, like when you hug or shake hands. There’s a touch that hurts, like when hands are used to hit someone. It’s the same when you talk. You can talk in a loving way by using gentle words. But there are words that can hurt. Those words you just said are words that hurt others, so we choose not to say them.”

Parents can cultivate excellence, no matter what genetic blueprint.

Many parents ask themselves at one point, what can I do for my child to achieve greatness? Author David Shenk dares to answer this loaded question with his new book The Genius in All of Us: Why everything you have been told about genetics, talent and IQ is wrong. Shenk asserts that genius can be ignited. His book discusses how the nature versus nurture debate has been missing the point all these years. His book shows evidence on how human achievements are the outcome of the nuanced interplay between genes and environment.

If anybody can be a genius, why are there so few Mozarts, Eisnteins or Tiger Woods among us? Citing the latest in human development research, Shenk underscores that genius is nothing without extraordinary dedication and persistence. Yes, we all know that. But there still seems to be a strong belief that people either have it or they don’t, and that’s that.

Just think… all those high achievers we had mentioned, from Mozart to Woods, all had started nurturing their talents young and put in so many hours honing their skills. Einstein has been quoted to say, “It’s not that I’m so smart. It’s just that I stay with problems longer.”

Einstein may have been over-dramatic with that statement. Of course he was very smart. His point is, we tend to forget that he had to work very hard for his achievements.

What this tells me is that as parents we should make an extra effort to cultivate persistence — extraordinary persistence. Apparently, years of research can show us how to cultivate persistence and tenacity. I’d like to see what new science has to say about this so I’m going out to get David Shenk’s book. If you have kids or have a baby on your way, the book could be worth checking out.