Talk to me please!

I ask my 5-year-old son how was school today? Do I get a long answer about his latest science investigation? How about a detailed account of the playground drama for the day? Nope. Apparently, getting your child to talk with you entails refining our communication approach.

Dr. Atilla Ceranoglu is a child psychiatrist at Harvard Medical School and an expert in parent-child communication. She emphasizes how important it is to have satisfying conversations with your child — as soon as your child learns to speak. “Talking to children from early on keeps both child and parent attuned to one another. It is solid preparation for the more stormy, tumultuous days of adolescence,” explains Dr. Ceranoglu.

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What makes them so sensitive, can also make them do so well.

As a baby, my son couldn’t stand the sound of the vacuum cleaner. A noisy blender would scare him to tears. When he was 2-years-old, I thought all kids loved carousels so I took him for a ride. He hated it. He wailed and begged to get off even if he was on my lap as we were riding a coach. Every strange noise, every new experience was met with trepidation.

My daughter was a bit different. Strange sounds were met more with curiosity than fear, but she was even more clingy than her also-clingy big brother. She was adventurous in the play ground, she made friends, but before getting that way she needed a long warm-up period.

A few years later and my little neurotics are now happy, well-adjusted preschoolers. Though I do notice they are essentially still cautious, still sensitive to everything and everyone around them. Still slow to warm. I had accepted these traits as part of their nature,  although it can make parties and play dates more difficult for me. Little did I know, that such sensitive children may actually have an advantage over their more easy going, gregarious peers. At least that’s what research tells us.

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Babies need time and from Daddy too.

Babies are typically extra close to mommy. My husband was the first to notice that our days-old newborn would respond to my voice more than anyones else’s. It’s the sound she’d hear most often inside my uterus! Then there’s the breast feeding which truly does seal an almost mystical bond between mother and child.

But what about Daddy? Dads, don’t be afraid. Tiny as she is… she won’t break. So take every chance you can get hold her, take care of some baby duties… and just enjoy that bundle of joy. Mommies already have natural advantages to earn baby’s affections. But dads can step up their baby-game too. We’ll tell you how.

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Creative ways to show them how to play give and take.

That’s mine! Give it to me! No, not for her! If you have a toddler you’ve probably heard those lines often enough. Toddlers are notoriously self-centered. Sharing is something they still need to learn. Developmental experts say, the concept of giving really becomes clear at around age 5. But there are some ways to show younger kids basic rules for give and take, paving the way for a good sharing attitude in the future.

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They’re not my kids, should I tell them how to behave?

Disciplining another person’s child is treading on shaky ground. We don’t want to offend a child’s parents, but there are times when we need to step in. Dr. Michelle Borba, author of the book No More Misbehavin’: 38 Difficult Behaviors and How to Stop Them assures us, “it’s not intruding on another parent’s turf when you’re protecting your own child.” However, let’s lay some guidelines for responding to another parent’s misbehaving tyke.

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Say hello — and welcome — to that imaginary friend.

My friend Irene has an invisible younger daughter named Turtle. Before you think my friend is crazy, consider the back story. She’s given birth only once — to a very imaginative 3-year-old real-life daughter named Emma. In Emma’s mind she has a younger sister she named Turtle. Turtle goes with them everywhere and she also likes cornflakes and bananas just like her older sister Emma.

Once upon a time, imaginary friends were considered a cause for concern. These days, research tells us quite the opposite. Children with pretend-friends and who can conjure elaborate make believe worlds have a promising future of learning and social development.

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The importance of little friends.

We all need friends — they enrich our lives, they make us laugh, they’re part of our good memories and we look forward to the future because they’ll be around. Toddlers and preschoolers also need their lives to be touched by friends. And not just for fun and acting silly together! Friendships are young children’s first foray into social interactions that are rich in learning opportunities.

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Everything they need to learn, they’ll learn in a good kindergarten.

I know… every parent seems to love the preschool their kids are in. Of course, it validates a decision they made! But if you’re shopping around for schools, maybe my personal reasons for choosing my kids’ preschool may resonate with your own parenting philosophy.

Recently, I was interviewed by a fellow writer for an article she’s doing on why parents choose to send kids to progressive schools.  Had to put some thought to it so, might as well share them with you! Maybe you’ll get some ideas on choosing the right preschool for your child.

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Siblings determine development more than we realize.

A United Press International (UPI) report on a new study that highlights how influential siblings are in a shaping a child’s growth into a well-adjusted adult. US researchers say, parental influence on a child’s development has always been vital. But apparently, brothers or sisters can make or break us as well.

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Encourage her to come out on her own.

When my daughter was 2-years-old, smiling or waving at new people was never a problem. Then just a year later, the outgoing tot turned inward preschooler. At home, she was still as chatty and exuberant as ever. But in public, she turns into clam and I become her shell. She would hide behind me, holding my hand like her life depended on it.  What happened? Could I be doing something wrong to turn my child into a bonafide introvert?

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