Get your toddler to share the load by turning chores into fun.

Divvying up chores in which little ones can participate not only teaches them to appreciate you, but empowers them to feel needed instead of needy. And if no one alerts them to the notion that houswork is drudgery, it won’t be.

For many young kids, cleaning isn’t a chore but an extension of play. You get to sneak it learning life skills too—independence, gross motor movement, precision, frustration tolerance, and the cognitive ability to count, sort, match and classify.

The earlier you get kids involved, the better,” says Tricia K. Neppl, PhD, a researcher at the Institute for Social and Behavioral Research at Iowa State University. “It’s easier at this age, because toddlers are very eager to help and they think chores are fun. Helping Mommy and Daddy makes them feel confident and useful.”

Here are ways to get your child to pitch in and take those first empowered steps towards independence:

Break up tasks into simple steps

Start by giving your little ones easy to follow instructions like:

• After coloring, count your crayons and put them away in this special box or can.
• After playing with your toys, please put them back on this shelf or in the toy box.
• Could you help by wiping your part of the table with this cloth after you eat? 

The simpler the instructions are to follow, the more achievable they’ll be, and the more important your child will feel as a member of the household.

Have the forbearance for lengthy processes

Taking over a task or asking someone else to redo your child’s chores to speed things up could undermine your child’s self-esteem.  “He’ll feel like he’s not good enough or that he’s letting you down,” explains Amy Needham, PhD, associate professor of psychology and neuroscience at Duke University, in Durham, North Carolina. Resist the temptation by giving your child plenty of time to work at his own pace.

Follow his lead

You’ll most likely get the cooperation you need if you go with your child’s natural inclinations. He likes the dirt of the garden? Get him a watering can and shovel. If he likes the wet of the sink, hand him some rags and a water spray bottle. Others like the soothing enjoyment of repetition (sweeping, slicing, dusting).

Turn the job into a game

Here are some ways to make tasks more exciting for your toddler:

• Sorting colors - Tell your child you’ll pick up all the green and blue toys if she puts away all the yellow and red ones.
• Fun on the Clock - Using a timer, see how many toys you can both put away in three minutes. The person who stashed the most when the timer goes off gets a big hug.
• Match ‘Em - Give children a pile of socks to pair while you fold clothes. You get willing company while you do your own chores.
• Water Play - Kids can give plants and pets water with a watering can and some direction. If they spill, use the chance to let them wipe it up.
• Sous Chef - Toddlers love cooking. They’re too young to do most meal preps, but they can use the salad spinner, put rolls in a basket, or place napkins on the table.

Chore time doesn’t have to be a bore.  If you get your kids started and involved at this age when they think everything is a potentially fun experience while keeping in mind that the path to independence is not especially straight (or tidy), you’ll have a regular Tom Sawyer or Laura Ingalls on your hands sooner or later.

Santa Clara County officials vote to ban toys and other promotions that come with high-calorie children’s meals.

After a contentious meeting between parents and restaurant owners, the Santa Clara County Board of Supervisors voted in favor of banning the Happy Meal in Silicon Valley restaurants.

The five-member board in Silicon Valley voted 3 to 2 in favor of prohibiting fast food restaurants from offering prizes and toys if they contained more than 485 calories, 600 mg of sodium or high amounts of sugar and fat.  The decision is meant to pressure small fast food restaurants to big chains like McDonald’s to offer more nutritious menu items for kids. Happy Meals are one of the longest-running and most successful marketing campaigns for McDonald’s.

“This ordinance prevents restaurants from preying on children’s’ love of toys” to sell high-calorie, unhealthful food, said Supervisor Ken Yeager, who sponsored the measure. “This ordinance breaks the link between unhealthy food and prizes.”  It is said that that one quarter of kids in the area are overweight.

In favor of the item were public health administrators, parents and doctors; opposed were fast-food franchisees, other parents, and fans of fast-food toys who argued that the promotions are often used to provide Christmas presents for less fortunate children.

Once the ordinance gets final approval at a meeting in May, the fast-food industry will have 90 days to come up with a voluntary program for improving the nutritional value of children’s meals.

It would be interesting to learn whether such a ban indeed affects sales or pushes fast-food chains to offer grilled chicken sandwiches (instead of a burger or chicken nuggets) Unless the toy ban catches, the vote affects only about a dozen fast food chains under the Board of Supervisors’ jurisdiction.

Don’t wing it when when flying with your toddler.

Here is a list of “Flying with Little Kids” necessities.  Remember that what works for one child may not have the same mileage for the other, so come armed with options.

1. A personal roll-away suitcase:  Children love it when you entrust them with their own luggage. Small roll-aways provide the most amusement in a check-in line or departure lounge and are great for releasing pent-up energy.
2. Bulkhead seats:  Booking the roomiest cabin seats not only gives you easier bathroom access, it also makes your toddler feel less confined.  It also means you don’t get dagger stares or a rude lecture from the passenger whose chair your child will innocently thrash with endless kicks.  The only minus is that bulkhead seats don’t have movable arm rests, which means your child won’t have the option of lying on your lap.
3. Ear pressure know-how:  Little children aren’t the happiest people with pressure changes, so don’t forget to teach them how to “pop” their ears.  Sucking on pacifiers, milk bottles, and lollipops are all good for popping ears.  If they are mature enough to understand, instruct them to yawn or laugh.  
4. A huge packet of wipes:  Use these for cleaning your child and wiping down germy surfaces in the cabin bathroom. A small bottle of rubbing alcohol is also helpful for nuking toilet seats and gucky sinks.
5. Snacks:  Getting kids to sample airplane cuisine is a long shot.  Bring your child’s favorite biscuits, fruit, cheese, and pretzels instead.  Avoid the sugar unless you want to be chasing your child up and down darkened aisles while the rest of the passengers sleep.  Also, buy water and juice boxes after you get through security (if permitted), to avoid over-dependence on the busy crew.
6. Games and activities:  Parents usually have their own weapons of choice. Some parents love Crayola wonder packs with invisible ink, while others swear by electronic devices. Ipods, your laptop, a compact DVD Player will be your new best friends when facing the hell of delayed flights or an 18-hour trip.  
7. An in-flight ally: Ask for help if you need it. The one beauty about flying with little kids is that flight attendants are usually more eager to help you than the fastidious old man who wants more peanuts.  If your child can only eat the bread, ask for another bread roll.  If your child still bottle-feeds, ask them to heat the bottle.

Vaccinations are one of the greatest advances in modern medicine. But they aren’t perfect. Know the facts and help lessen the trauma for your child

In one of the most vitriolic debates in medical history, vocal advocacy groups say that thimerosal, a mercury-containing preservative used in vaccines, is responsible for the skyrocketing rates of autism among children around the world. An isolated study in 1998 also suggested a link between the Measles-Mumps-Rubella (MMR) vaccine with autism. These accusations have left many parents feeling confused and frightened about their children’s health.

But more than a decade of solid, transparent, and credible research — including the best minds of the Institute of Medicine, the American Academy of Family Physicians, and the World Health Organization — has failed to find a true connection. In fact, 10 of the 13 authors of the original study have retracted the paper’s interpretation.  

Thimerosal has been removed from all childhood vaccines in the United States (manufacturers stopped using it in 1999), and still, there’s been no sign of a slowdown of autism rates. Thimerosal is still used in some childhood vaccinations in other countries, mostly in the developing world.  

If you’re concerned, start by talking to your child’s doctor. Many pediatricians are amenable to separating the MMR shot into single doses if requested and giving the MMR only until the possibility of autism is much lower, usually after 3 years of age.

Just Shoot Me

The fact remains: the benefits of vaccinating far outweigh the risks—for your child and the community as a whole. Dr. David W. Kimberlin, a professor of pediatrics and co-director of the division of pediatric infectious diseases at the University of Alabama at Birmingham maintains, “”The vaccines we have today are the safest vaccines we’ve ever had, and I hope that parents recognize that it is a matter of life and death, and that they choose to do everything they can to protect their children.”

Your toddler will get up to 31 vaccinations by age 4—and it can be tough to keep track.  Here’s what to expect for the toddler years:

(6 to 18 months)

Hepatitis B

Polio (IPV)

(12 to 15 months)

Hib

MMR

Pneumococcal (PCV)

Varicella

 (12 to 23 months)

Hepatitis A

(15 to 18 months)

 DTaP

It won’t take away all the pain, but you can minimize the blow with the following strategies:

• Explain to your child what will take place to prepare her mentally.
• Distract her with a toy after the vaccination to prevent her from thinking about what just happened.
• Give her milk or a dose of sucrose sweetened solution a few minutes before the shot, or let her nurse during the procedure.  
• Offer your child options – let her choose which arm.
• Ask your pediatrician for some premedication like acetaminophen or a topical anesthetic beforehand.
• When the shot is done, let your child know, and praise her for her courage.
• Make her look forward to receiving a lollipop, jellyace, or a sticker after the shot.
• Postpone vaccinations if your child has a fever over 101 degrees Fahrenheit, the flu, or other serious infection.

What’s new in 2010?

 Every year, the U.S. Centers for Disease Control’s Advisory Committee on Immunization Practices publishes a new schedule for vaccinations.

New this year:

• The committee now recommends “combination vaccines,” meaning that an immunization containing more than one vaccine is preferable to giving each vaccine separately.
• A yearly dose of H1N1 flu vaccine has been added to the schedule for children 6 months and older.
• The fourth dose of the polio vaccine should be given after age 4 and at least six months after the previous dose.
• A newer HPV vaccine that prevents genital warts is now an option for girls; it’s also an option for boys age 9 to 18, but isn’t on the recommended schedule. 

Family meals ease anxiety — and asthma as well.

Family mealtime is great for many things… including better outcomes for children with asthma. U.S. researchers found children’s asthma symptoms decrease if their families have regular mealtimes together.

Barbara H. Fiese, director of the University of Illinois Family Resiliency Center, said family members play an important role in helping children emotionally manage their asthma symptoms.

Experts tell us, a supportive, organized environment during mealtime puts a child at ease whereas a chaotic, unresponsive atmosphere fosters worry and anxiety. What many don’t know is that stress and anxiety are major asthma triggers.

“It makes sense that children who have difficulty breathing might be anxious and prefer to keep their parents, who can help them in an emergency, close by,” Fiese said in a statement. 

”Supportive interaction during family mealtimes helps increase a child’s sense of security and eases separation anxiety symptoms. The reason is, when children are less anxious, their lung function improves.”

During the six-week study, 63 children ages 9-12 with persistent asthma completed questionnaires and were interviewed about their physical and mental health, including an assessment for separation anxiety.

“Children need regularity and predictability,” Fiese said. “When families are overwhelmed or lack the skills to keep routines in place, there are often physical and psychological costs to their children. Left untreated, separation anxiety can lead to adult panic disorder.”

Fiese’s study is published in the Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry.

Because a well-rested child is a happy, healthy child.

A good night’s sleep is crucial for anyone — especially babies, toddlers and preschoolers. If your child sleeps well, he will have better immune function and healthy growth. Did you know that growth hormones are only produced during sleep? That’s what our pediatrician tells us. Sleep affects behavior too. Kids who are sleep-deprived are cranky, impatient, distractible and do poorly in school.

Sticking to a good bedtime routine is key to developing healthy sleep habits. Start them young and be consistent. We’ll tell you how.

Set a bedtime. Wether it’s 7, 8 or 9 PM make sure you stick to it. Children’s body clocks are set by a consistent nightly schedule. Both my children are in bed and sound asleep between 8:30 to 9 PM. We have been on this schedule since they were babies and have made very few exceptions.

It also makes it so much easier for mom and dad in the long run. Since their body clocks are set to this schedule already, they’re automatically on their way to getting their zzz’s at a predictable time. They are also up at a predictable time in the morning — on their own, with no struggle  for us to rouse them up. Definitely helps if you need them on a schedule to get ready for school!

Establish a bedtime ritual. On the run-up to bedtime, a ritual or routine is also key. Children find comfort and security in a pattern of events they’re familiar with — particularly one that sets the tone for a good night’s rest. What elements you put into your family ritual is up to you, just as long as you’re consistent and it’s not too stimulating it will get your kids wired. Daddy, save the rough-housing for earlier! Here are some rituals that help with my kids:

• A Warm Bath — Warming up body temperature slightly is relaxing and great for inducing sleep.
• A Light Snack — For some reason my kids just have to have something to nibble on before their bedtime bath. Apparently, a light snack that has some protein and carbohydrates — for example, a small piece of cheese and one half slice of whole-wheat bread — can induce sleep and helps children stay asleep through the night. The carbohydrates make them sleepy, and the protein keeps blood sugar levels even until breakfast. Be sure to brush their teeth after eating.
• A Good Story — This is a particularly comforting routine for toddlers, especially if it’s a favorite story that’s associated with bedtime, such as Goodnight Moon. As your child grows, he’ll want more stories and more variety.

Don’t forget some bedtime love. Most importantly, kids could use some cuddle-time to end their day. Nothing like the comfort and assurance of mom and dad before going off to dream land. Bedtime bonding is especially important if you’re out the whole day at work. If your child has a lovey or teddy that gives him comfort, let him take it with him to bed. And don’t forget the all-important good night kiss!

Talk to me please!

I ask my 5-year-old son how was school today? Do I get a long answer about his latest science investigation? How about a detailed account of the playground drama for the day? Nope. Apparently, getting your child to talk with you entails refining our communication approach.

Dr. Atilla Ceranoglu is a child psychiatrist at Harvard Medical School and an expert in parent-child communication. She emphasizes how important it is to have satisfying conversations with your child — as soon as your child learns to speak. “Talking to children from early on keeps both child and parent attuned to one another. It is solid preparation for the more stormy, tumultuous days of adolescence,” explains Dr. Ceranoglu.

But have you had exchanges like these with your preschooler?

You: How was school?
Child: Fine.

You: How’s your new teacher?
Child: Okay… Can I watch TV now?

Now before you take those stunted responses personally, examine possible reasons. My son can talk to me at length about many of his interests, but I am particularly frustrated about how he holds-off about his school day.

Then I read the book How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk by Adele Faber. Faber made me realize that all kids need downtime after school. All that learning and playground drama can be exhausting. After a grueling day, you just want to kick off your shoes and relax before getting into a discussion about what happened at work. Sometimes, resting from work entails not talking about it too. The same goes for children – some personality types more than others.

Now I spark better conversations with him about school during dinner when he’s rested — and more receptive. I also ask him specific questions — What did you play in outdoors? Who was in your team? Which work area did you choose for today? What book did teacher read to you? What was it about? Our dinner chats have been more interesting lately.

If we want to our kids to tell us more about how their day was, “how was your day?” is actually the question we should avoid. It just begs for a standard one-word answer like “fine” or “okay.” Remember, kids are not little adults. Dr. Ceranoglu offers more advice on how to talk to our little ones:

Do things with your child. Create opportunities to take part in activities your child loves — swimming, playing board games or just hanging out at the park. If your child is still hesitant to talk, be patient. Dr. Ceranoglu says, “Bear the silence. Even if you were fishing for a good half hour in silence, know that there is a lot more being accomplished than if you were chasing your child in words. You are giving your child the strongest message in the loudest way: You are there and will be there when that silence breaks.”

Instead of questions, throw thoughts. Instead of asking, “Did that hurt your feelings?” try saying, “Wow, that would have hurt my feelings.” That gives your child a chance to respond without being put on the defensive. Also, you’ll get more mileage out of simple listening sounds like “hmm” or “huh,” because they reflect an understanding of the child’s concerns better than questions, Ceranoglu says.

Meet them at their level. Dr. Ceranoglu says this is especially important for toddlers and preschoolers. For younger children, it often helps to kneel down to their height and talk or play with them face-to-face. If your child is frustrated trying to communicate something, help him out by naming and acknowledge his feelings: “That is sad! It was your favorite toy.”

What makes them so sensitive, can also make them do so well.

As a baby, my son couldn’t stand the sound of the vacuum cleaner. A noisy blender would scare him to tears. When he was 2-years-old, I thought all kids loved carousels so I took him for a ride. He hated it. He wailed and begged to get off even if he was on my lap as we were riding a coach. Every strange noise, every new experience was met with trepidation.

My daughter was a bit different. Strange sounds were met more with curiosity than fear, but she was even more clingy than her also-clingy big brother. She was adventurous in the play ground, she made friends, but before getting that way she needed a long warm-up period.

A few years later and my little neurotics are now happy, well-adjusted preschoolers. Though I do notice they are essentially still cautious, still sensitive to everything and everyone around them. Still slow to warm. I had accepted these traits as part of their nature,  although it can make parties and play dates more difficult for me. Little did I know, that such sensitive children may actually have an advantage over their more easy going, gregarious peers. At least that’s what research tells us.

Scientists believe that children who are sensitive or highly reactive to stress may actually thrive better than those who just go with the flow. But — and this is a big but — these sensitive kids only tend to do better in the right environment. If they don’t survive a bad environment growing up, these kids could be your future depressives, drug addicts and social misfits. Flip side is, if they survive, they could reach Oprah-level success.

The journal Child Development published a new study on sensitive children early this year. Observing 338 preschoolers, researchers tested how easily stressed the children got, then measured behavior and school performance.

Among sensitive kids, “harsh and restrictive parenting,” exposure to a lot of anger and fighting, and family financial problems indicated a dip in social skills. The other sensitive kids in happy homes? They fared well. So well that they did much better than their easy-going counterparts. Highly-reactive kids who were well-nurtured had the highest rates of sharing, helping and initiating friendships. They also had the highest academic gains in school.

The calm kids who faced challenges with less stress were more resilient when there was trouble at home. For these children, school and social success was average across the board.

This latest study highlights new terminology being used among developmental psychologists — that some kids are dandelions, some are orchids. Dandelions are hardy and can grow well almost anywhere. Orchids can thrive beautifully, but with the right care.

How would you classify your own child? Let’s think hard about that, so whatever kind of “flower” they may be, we can give them the kind of nurturing they need. My little theroy… all kids are orchids and dandelions in varying ways. They all need good care. Still, with a feeling my kids are orchid varieties, I’d like to be extra sensitive to their needs.

Help! My baby bumped his head!

I cannot forget the first time my first child bumped his head hard. He was about 2 years old, running around the house, when he smacked into the corner of a wall. Within minutes, his forehead had a bump the size of a golf ball. He was hysterical too. I called our pediatrician, sure that my son needed and x-ray. My pediatrician actually just told me to relax… and observe my son before rushing to the emergency room. We have  a simple guide on how you can tell if that bump needs medical attention or just some ice, hugs and kisses.

Bumps on the head, even those the size of a golf ball, do not always warrant a trip to the ER or even a call to your doctor. As our pediatrician explained, the skull acts as a protective helmet for the brain. On top of the skull we have a richly vascularized scalp that can withstand most of the bumps and bruises of childhood. The swelling is actually a good sign, that the brain was protected from the bump.

In case your child bumps his head, do the following:

Don’t panic. A panicky grown up cannot calm down a crying, injured child.

Ice it. When you’ve managed to calm your child, hold an ice pack (a pack of frozen peas can substitute) over the bump. Keep the cold pack as long as you can, about 20 minutes. This can help with the swelling and pain.

Observe, observe, observe. If your child got himself a big bump but remains alert and conscious, all you have to give is a good dose of parental sympathy and that ice pack. However, keep an keen eye on your child’s state. The reason for this is because doctors often rely more on how the child behaves after the injury than what happened at the time of the injury. If the brain has been injured, signs may show immediately, or they may appear slowly during the next twenty-four hours.

Seek medical attention fast if the following happens:

• loss of consciousness
• vomiting
• child does not focus on you, look you in the eyes or respond to your questions or instructions
• loss of balance when walking
• prolonged crying of more than an hour
• child complains of a severe headache
• note the following eye signs: crossed-eyes or rolling eyes, or one eye pupil looking larger than the other one.

Trust your instincts, if something worries you or you have a question about your child’s head injury not covered here… by all means give your doctor a call. He or she will give you advice on what to do, just make sure you can give  him or her good notes from your observations.

Tell me mommy… I need to know!

Oh, precocious kids with their questions. Remember when we first brought up the sex question and the curiosity about death? Well, preschoolers are making more sense of their world and can set you off the loop with even more tricky questions. Don’t get tongue-tied. We have more tough questions from kids and experts tell us how to answer them.

When my son was two, he asked: “Why is the sky so big?” Hmmm… do I reply with science or do I get into my first existential conversation with him? I settled for a bit of both, but it really got me thinking. When my child throws me a tough question, how specific should I get? How honest should I be? What if I confuse him even more? Suddenly I had more questions than my son.

So, I turned to the pros. Here, child experts give advice us on what — and what not — to say in answer to 3 tough questions kids can ask.

Your 4-year-old asks, Why do they say Uncle John is gay?

Deborah Rothman wrote the book Sex and Sensibility: The Thinking Parent’s Guide to Talking About Sex. She suggests you first clarify what a couple is. Give examples like you and your husband, an aunt and uncle your child knows are married. Explain that couples love each other in a special way. They love each other’s company so much that they live together or get married like mom and dad. Then explain how there are cases when couples are made up of two men or two women. Since Uncle John has a boyfriend, not a girlfriend, then he is gay. In case Uncle John is single, say he prefers that his special someone would be a man like himself, not a woman.

Kids will often take this simple, factual answer. Tell your child that they may hear the word “gay” used negatively and that it is nasty to use the word that way. Use this as a teaching moment to explain tolerance and acceptance of different kinds of people.

Your 5-year-old asks, Why is Jason’s house bigger and nicer than ours?

This question reflects an unintended form of peer pressure and a child’s wish to be more like his friend or for you to be more like his parents. Joe Sibayan, curriculum coordinator of Keys Grade School advises against using statements like “they are richer” or “we are poorer” or “because we can’t afford it.” This can make a child feel even more deprived, maybe even skew his sense of values towards materialism or stir up envy.

Assure your child you have enough resources to care for the family, but emphasize that being rich in love and happiness is more important than material wealth. Here’s how teacher Joe would put it:

“Grown-ups decide to do different things with their money. Jason’s parents decided to spend a lot of money on making their house nice and big. We decided to spend it on other things, like that nice trip we took last year and saving money for your school. How did you feel when you saw Sandro’s house was so big and nice? I hope you felt happy for him, because that’s how we should feel when we see other people have nice things.”

Your 3-year-old asks, Why is f@_k! a bad word?

Emphasize to your child that words in themselves are not bad, but the intention behind saying them can be the problem, says teacher Joe. If your child is reprimanded for blurting out an expletive and asks shy those words are bad, here’s how he would explain it:

You know that you can touch in different ways, right? There’s a touch that’s loving, like when you hug or shake hands. There’s a touch that hurts, like when hands are used to hit someone. It’s the same when you talk. You can talk in a loving way by using gentle words. But there are words that can hurt. Those words you just said are words that hurt others, so we choose not to say them.”