Will it fire-up his aggression… or imagination?

I once told myself that no child of mine would ever play with toy guns. Then came my son and his fantasies of playing a Star Wars storm trooper and a “good guy soldier” fighting the “Jerries” – who he now understands to be the “bad Nazis” in World War 2.

Up until he was age 4, not a single toy gun was in sight at home. But my son hangs out regularly with some boys at our neighborhood playground. His good friend had an arsenal of toy guns – enough to arm my son and a few other friends who all got into elaborate military game play. Let’s just say, they are a troop of precocious 4 and 5-year-olds with knowledge of military rankings and strategy, plus World War 2 factoids.

I didn’t want to suppress their imaginations, nor did I want to stop them from learning some history. Then again, was I setting up my son for future aggressive behavior?

England’s Department for Children, Schools and Families doesn’t think so. In their 2007 report Confident, Capable and Creative: Supporting Boys’ Achievements, these experts said schools should allow children to engage in fantasy play – including weapons play.

They explain, boys do have a natural inclination for superhero play and that this should be encouraged for the following reasons:

For Play and Exploration: Children’s play reflects their wide-ranging and varied interests and preoccupations. In their play children learn at their highest level. Play with peers is important for children’s development.

For Active Learning: Children learn best through physical and mental challenges. Active learning involves other people, objects, ideas and events that engage and involve children for sustained periods.

They add that all this active learning helps develop creativity and critical thinking. And so I feel better about allowing my son his hero-soldier fantasies. But keeping weapons play in perspective is another thing to work on. “It’s always best to settle conflicts by talking.”  ”Guns are only for defense.” “Swords are only for hitting other swords.” I have told my son these things, though the message may seem lost on him at age 5. One day, I know it will sink in.

In the meantime, he is an all-around good boy. He’s nice to his friends. He shares and negotiates with his words. So maybe what other studies say about the benefits of gun play hold true – that pretend weapons allow children to channel their aggression in a healthy way.

Despite what the experts say, many parents I know still have the no-toy-weapons policy. Some go to the point of taking out those tiny toy guns that come with certain Lego sets. No laser guns for Lego Star Wars storm troopers! To my son – who loves Lego and Star Wars – that would be a travesty.

I did attempt to ban gun play at one point, but I have seen how a toy trumpet can turn into a rifle and two fingers can be made into a pistol. Knowing what the experts tell us, I’m taking the allow-but-not-encourage approach.

Zoe Weil, president of the Institute for Humane Education says banning can also be counter productive. She explains, “forbidding toy weapons makes them more coveted and appealing.” Looking back at my own childhood, that makes sense.

Nerf battle, anyone? But first, some ground rules and perspective….

A fool-proof guide to age-appropriate toys and gifts.

Gift shopping for kids entails some knowledge and research. Child development experts tell us, “play is the work of children” – and this makes toy shopping serious business. The wrong toy can bore your babe if it’s too easy. Too advanced, and it can frustrate him.

Give a child the right toy and you’ll be giving him hours of fun, exploration and learning. Before you start shopping, check out our age-by-age gift guide.

Babies (0-1 year) This age is all about sensory development, particularly engaging their senses of sight, touch and hearing. Interaction with mom and dad is still the most important playtime activity. But here are a few things baby could use:

Rattles – Toys that make noise when shook, squeezed or touched; pretend keys and mobile phones that make interesting sounds or sing out abc’s and 123’s are good choices.

Mobiles – To hang on top of a crib to stimulate a baby’s sense of sight. High contrasting colors (blacks and whites) are especially good for very young babies.

Bath toys – Babies love bath time so make it more fun with toys that squeak and squeal during tub time.

Plush toys - These can be soft stuffed animals (there are hypoallergenic kinds available), plush blocks, soft stacking rings or cloth books.

Push and pull toys – These are appropriate for older babies at around 8 months, especially when they are starting to stand, cruise or maybe even walk.

Baby gyms – These are play mats with overhead rings holding different rattles or smaller toys babies can bat with their feet or their hands.

Toddlers (1-3 years) At this age, children are becoming more mobile – exploring their world more with their hands and feet. Curiosity is growing. They are also starting a language explosion so engaging them with music, books and pretend play can benefit them tremendously. Maybe they can’t count yet, but you can lay good math skills with simple puzzles, blocks and shape sorters. Here’s our list of good toddler toys:

Shape sorters

Sorting and nesting toys

Modeling clay like Play Dough

Blocks – wooden or cardboard; Lego has Duplo blocks specifically designed for toddlers’ smaller hands.

Hardback books with rounded edges

Picture books with short simple sentences in big bold letters, look for giant book versions of Dr. Seuss or Eric Carle classics.

Musical toys or toy instruments

Soft balls are good for practicing some toddler basketball, soccer or catch.

Preschoolers (4-5 years) Like toddlers, preschoolers are still curious explorers but they know more and can move around better. Though you still need to keep an eye on them. They still aren’t safety experts! Gross motor and fine motor skills are improving so choose toys that can enhance how they use their hands and bodies – just like these good preschooler gifts:

Tricycles or bicycles with training wheels

Ride-on toys like scooters and twist cars

Wooden train sets - Thomas and Friends are quite popular with this age group.

Basic musical instruments – Drums and percussion instruments are a good introduction to actual instrument play for this age group.

Simple board games like Chutes and Ladders, Cariboo, Boggle Jr., Sorry and Scrabble Junior

Costumes and accessories for pretend play

Blocks, Lego has age-by-age guides on each box set

Lacing toys and bead sets that make bracelets and necklaces are a hit with the girls.

Cooking sets and doll houses - And these aren’t just for little girls, boys can be future chefs and architects too!

Make sure you pack their activity bag!

With the holidays coming soon – from Thanksgiving to Christmas – there will be a lot of traveling going on. With two kids below age 5, I have learned a few good things to keep them happily busy on the road, for a few hours.

Read more to see how you can lessen the “are-we-there-yets” on the car, bus or plane.

Going on a road trip with kids? Here are a few things you might want to bring along. Consider them part of the anti-boredom, anti-antsy arsenal.

Books

If your kids like stories, pack a few of their favorite reads. Surprise them by packing along a new book or two to keep their interest up. When you’re done with the stories, activity books can also come in handy – the ones that let them color, connect the dots or have writing and drawing games. Sticker books are also popular with preschoolers and toddlers. Pack new activity books and indulge them with the kind that has their favorite characters. Dora activity books are a hit with my toddler. Make them new so there’s plenty to do and the novelty lasts longer.

Stories on CD

My kids 5 and 3 years old, enjoy listening to their Winnie the Pooh CD that also comes with a book. We pop it into the car stereo when we take them for a few hours drive to our favorite beach. We’ve used the same CD for a few trips already! They still love listening to it. But the Dr. Seuss CDs and books look pretty good too. We’re packing that for next trip!

Bubbles

Maybe this won’t work for the airplane, but on the car it is a proven time-zapper for us. Pop open the window and blow, blow away. The bubble guns are extra fun and make extra big, extra plenty bubbles. We’ve gotten good reactions from other cars with kids on the road, which adds to the fun! Babies love bubbles too.

Electronic Toys

The kids themselves pack their favorite Leap Frog toys into out travel activity bag. The Leapster for my 5-year-old and the Leap Pad for my 3-year-old-girl. Absolutely fun and absolutely educational too. For babies, Leap Frog also has a lot of talking, interactive electronic toys that are portable and a lot of fun. Reminder though, choose one that doesn’t make annoying sounds, as you might have to sit with it for a few hours.

A Baking Sheet

Yes, those cheap baking sheets are what I’m talking about. A 9″ x 12″ pan fits nicely into our toy bag. Not the flat ones though. You want the kind with raised edges to make it a good play surface that will stop toys from falling on the floor. Not fun! My Legos-loving son uses his pan to make space stations and what-not on the road. My daughter uses it as a surface for making her bead bracelets or to hold her letter magnets. The baking sheets are also good for holding puzzles that they can work on, to pass the time away.

DVDs

Little Einsteins, Dora, Yo Gabba Gabba or a Pixar child-friendly film is also good to pack along if you have a DVD player in the car. If you don’t, you can rent them or they can come with your rental car, if specified. I do try to limit my kids’ media consumption, but if there’s any time I’m glad to oblige it’s during a long road trip. A good show or movie isn’t bad for them once in awhile, and it does help make the vacation so much more pleasant with no anxious, repetitive cries of Are we there yet?!

Surprising suggestions for Santa and you.

With Thanksgiving just ahead, Christmas isn’t far behind. If you have kids, you would probably want to get a headstart on shopping for holiday toys. I try to get this out of the way by December to ease up on last-minute holiday stress. The toy stores get pretty busy, and I don’t like getting caught in a Christmas stampede.

A doctor and professor has some good advice on what you should be getting those tots and toddlers on your list. If you’re shopping for your own preschoolers, now is the time to set the trend for a taste in quality toys that make them play, imagine and think. Read more for our good-toy guide.

The latest, pricey “it” toy is often not the wisest choice. Dr. Paula Kramer, chair and professor of occupational therapy at University of the Sciences in Philadelphia says, “these toys may be unique and novel, but they’re not always the best choice for the child, or the toy with the longest life. If a toy is static and doesn’t promote creativity, imagination, and change, it will probably end up in the corner.”

Children below age 5 tend to enjoy simple, open-ended toys. I have seen this myself. When my son was around 3, he had gotten a Transformer robot as a gift. He was interested… for about a minute. He really couldn’t transform it from robot to vehicle. It was too advanced. What really engaged our then 3-year-old? The box it came in, which he turned into a multitude of other things.

It’s as if kids are wired to use their imagination. And we should encourage this with open-ended toys. These include building toys like MegaBlocks,  Dado cubes, pickets and classic wooden blocks. A recent good buy that my daughter and son love to “work” with for hours is the Imginarium Deluxe Building Block Set. The blocks look like multi-colored bricks. They have used these inexpensive cardboard bricks to build castles and forts that were the setting for hours of dramatic play.

“Traditional toys, such as Legos, are also great because they help build skills such as fine motor manipulation and creativity,” said Dr. Kramer. “While they come with instructions on how to build certain things, kids can choose to build anything they want.”

A simple guideline would be, if it makes them imagine different outcomes and possibilities, then it’s a good open-ended toy.

Dr. Kramer points to a new development in toy trends that is good for kids – movement-oriented toys. One example is the Fisher-Price Smart Cycle where kids have to pedal through learning discoveries, games and races. It was designed to encourage physical activity while strengthening reading and motor skills.

Like we tackled in a previous post, active kids are not just fit – they are happy and do better in school. So don’t overlook these other classic gifts: tricycles, bicycles and sports equipment. For toddlers, pretend play golf, tennis or basketball can be fun.

Another reminder from Dr. Kramer is to choose toys based on your child’s developmental stage. It should be at his current ability or slightly more challenging. Not too difficult though, or else they’ll just ignore the toy – or worse, get overly frustrated.